No news. Dominic went to Mangochi and they couldn't meet. Possibly tomorrow. Sorry.
(Dominic is the SWO, or Social Welfare Officer)
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Moses Moses Everywhere But Not a Cheek to Kiss
Today I received some new Moses photos in the mail. They are a hoot! There's Moses with his shirt off, Moses the elf, rapper Moses in his too tight overalls, thumbs up Moses, and my hand tastes good Moses. There's a Moses for every day of the week.
I look forward to meeting real, tangible, huggable Moses...which I will do exactly one week from today. (I'm writing around midnight.)
Now the news from Lake Wobegone. I mean Malawi. Dustin decided to rent a car, as we'll likely have a number of trips to make to and from the city. I called him this morning, while he was driving, to hear the update on the meeting with the grandfather. Before Dustin could tell me much, I heard a Malawian's voice, as though Dustin were going through one of the many checkpoints along the road. Dustin said he'd have to call me back. About an hour later I learned that Dustin had been pulled over by the police (on his first day on the road). He learned something we have not come across in all our years in Malawi: it is illegal to drive while talking on a cell phone. Yes friends, it's true. Dustin's driver's license was taken away and he was told to report to court the following morning at 7:30 am.
Fortunately Margaret's nephew is also a policeman. He was able to pull some strings and convinced the officer to "settle things out of court." I think you know what that means... Okay, I'll spell it for you. B R I B E .
Dustin told me more about the SWO's meeting with Moses' Malawian grandfather. He said the grandfather "is proving to be uncooperative." The SWO set up another meeting with him for Wednesday morning. So we basically have no news. Dustin said it well. "We're in a holding pattern." We're not sure all of the emotions and reasoning contributing to the grandfather's lack of cooperation. Though I suspect a lot of it is pride and shame. He knew that his grandson was living in terrible conditions (he knew because Margaret told him) and he made no move to try to help him. In fact, he said and I quote, "Just take the child." He conveyed to the SWO that he was upset that the Balaka police did not try to get a hold of him about the child. (The grandfather is a policeman in Blantyre.) It seems like his reputation may be on the line a bit. He certainly did not make any move to care for the child once Margaret informed him of the baby's poor health and temporary abandonment.
Though this may all sound a bit doom and gloom, Dustin and I don't see it that way. We are both impressed with the way the SWO is advocating on the behalf of Moses, as well as ourselves. Even his language about the grandfather being "uncooperative" is telling about how he sees the situation. He wants Moses to be well cared for. If the grandfather is willing to give that care, the SWO will surely know on Wed. If not, then he seems like he's ready to go to bat for us.
Also, this just in: The police officer who pulled Dustin over has dropped the issue. Dustin and John are instead going to take him to our favorite little joint, Mlambe Motel, for a few drinks and a round of pool. This is Malawi.
I look forward to meeting real, tangible, huggable Moses...which I will do exactly one week from today. (I'm writing around midnight.)
Now the news from Lake Wobegone. I mean Malawi. Dustin decided to rent a car, as we'll likely have a number of trips to make to and from the city. I called him this morning, while he was driving, to hear the update on the meeting with the grandfather. Before Dustin could tell me much, I heard a Malawian's voice, as though Dustin were going through one of the many checkpoints along the road. Dustin said he'd have to call me back. About an hour later I learned that Dustin had been pulled over by the police (on his first day on the road). He learned something we have not come across in all our years in Malawi: it is illegal to drive while talking on a cell phone. Yes friends, it's true. Dustin's driver's license was taken away and he was told to report to court the following morning at 7:30 am.
Fortunately Margaret's nephew is also a policeman. He was able to pull some strings and convinced the officer to "settle things out of court." I think you know what that means... Okay, I'll spell it for you. B R I B E .
Dustin told me more about the SWO's meeting with Moses' Malawian grandfather. He said the grandfather "is proving to be uncooperative." The SWO set up another meeting with him for Wednesday morning. So we basically have no news. Dustin said it well. "We're in a holding pattern." We're not sure all of the emotions and reasoning contributing to the grandfather's lack of cooperation. Though I suspect a lot of it is pride and shame. He knew that his grandson was living in terrible conditions (he knew because Margaret told him) and he made no move to try to help him. In fact, he said and I quote, "Just take the child." He conveyed to the SWO that he was upset that the Balaka police did not try to get a hold of him about the child. (The grandfather is a policeman in Blantyre.) It seems like his reputation may be on the line a bit. He certainly did not make any move to care for the child once Margaret informed him of the baby's poor health and temporary abandonment.
Though this may all sound a bit doom and gloom, Dustin and I don't see it that way. We are both impressed with the way the SWO is advocating on the behalf of Moses, as well as ourselves. Even his language about the grandfather being "uncooperative" is telling about how he sees the situation. He wants Moses to be well cared for. If the grandfather is willing to give that care, the SWO will surely know on Wed. If not, then he seems like he's ready to go to bat for us.
Also, this just in: The police officer who pulled Dustin over has dropped the issue. Dustin and John are instead going to take him to our favorite little joint, Mlambe Motel, for a few drinks and a round of pool. This is Malawi.
Friday, June 6, 2008
On My Way!
Hi Friends,
I'll be heading to Malawi a week from Sunday: June 15th. I've rebooked a return ticket for Dustin and we both hope to be home in Portland on July 13th with a cuddly little somebody. That's our hope anyway.
Here's the latest adoption update. There's been some difficulty getting a hold of Moses' grandfather. The SWO (I hope you know the acronym now) finally talked to him today and set up an appointment to meet him on Monday morning. Basically, the SWO just needs to hear the grandfather say that he will consent to an adoption. If he does not give consent, then he also has to be willing to take Moses in and care for him. We're pretty sure he doesn't want to do that - given what he told Margaret two months ago. Even so, this has turned into a somewhat lengthy formality. Still, it's better to know the grandfather's feelings right now, up front, before things move forward.
Beyond that, there's not much more to report. Dustin and his brother John have decided to take a mini vacation this weekend to Cape Maclear on Lake Malawi. It's a fun little backpacker's place where you can kayak, snorkel, and watch the fishermen. Margaret is watching Moses while these two brothers take a few days to recharge and get ready for the long week(s) ahead.
I'm very excited about my trip and can't wait to arrive. It's funny, but I say that every trip will be my "last trip," for a while at least. And every time, I end up back there just a few months down the road. I jokingly told Margaret that she only found the baby as a ploy to get to see me sooner! Margaret is family to us. I love spending time with her, chatting with her, learning from her. Those few of you who have met her know (John, Desirée, Liz). She has so much to give and share. Now she is sharing a baby with us.
I'll be heading to Malawi a week from Sunday: June 15th. I've rebooked a return ticket for Dustin and we both hope to be home in Portland on July 13th with a cuddly little somebody. That's our hope anyway.
Here's the latest adoption update. There's been some difficulty getting a hold of Moses' grandfather. The SWO (I hope you know the acronym now) finally talked to him today and set up an appointment to meet him on Monday morning. Basically, the SWO just needs to hear the grandfather say that he will consent to an adoption. If he does not give consent, then he also has to be willing to take Moses in and care for him. We're pretty sure he doesn't want to do that - given what he told Margaret two months ago. Even so, this has turned into a somewhat lengthy formality. Still, it's better to know the grandfather's feelings right now, up front, before things move forward.
Beyond that, there's not much more to report. Dustin and his brother John have decided to take a mini vacation this weekend to Cape Maclear on Lake Malawi. It's a fun little backpacker's place where you can kayak, snorkel, and watch the fishermen. Margaret is watching Moses while these two brothers take a few days to recharge and get ready for the long week(s) ahead.
I'm very excited about my trip and can't wait to arrive. It's funny, but I say that every trip will be my "last trip," for a while at least. And every time, I end up back there just a few months down the road. I jokingly told Margaret that she only found the baby as a ploy to get to see me sooner! Margaret is family to us. I love spending time with her, chatting with her, learning from her. Those few of you who have met her know (John, Desirée, Liz). She has so much to give and share. Now she is sharing a baby with us.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Hallelujah
Our prayers have been answered. Just moments ago, Dustin met with a very kind and compassionate Social Welfare Officer. It turns out he DID think we were other people. Dustin cleared that up and told him our full story. The first step is for the grandfather of Moses to give his consent to an adoption. He would basically have to co-sign a letter with the birth mother, relinquishing the child for adoption and emigration. The SWO plans to call him today and discuss the situation. I'm a little nervous because I don't know how much the mother has communicated with her father (Moses' only other known living relative). I hope he's not taken by surprise. As far as I know, she last talked to him two months ago. A lot can change in two months.
We're taking things step by step. Dustin did an excellent job "buttering up" the official. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. Dustin said that we wanted to play by the rules, do everything according to proper procedures, and not rush the system. I can just imagine the smile on the officer's face. He really likes rules.
We will wait to hear about the conversation with the grandfather before moving forward. Dustin told the SWO that his return ticket to America was in a few weeks. He seemed to nod as if to say, "I think we can try to make that work." I guess anything is possible.
Just to mix things up a little bit, I've decided it's time for me to go over. I'm going to buy myself a ticket tomorrow for these dates: June 15 - July 9th. It's high time I meet this little man. Of course this would mean that we're not coming back on June 19th - Dustin's original return date. But even if adoption proceedings could go that quickly, it will still take a few weeks for immigration approval etc.
This is my understanding of our next steps:
-Talk to the grandfather and have him sign a joint letter with the birth mother
-Have a home inspection by the local SWO in our town, Balaka
Once these steps are done, I believe we'll be looking at lawyers and court dates etc. Dustin didn't want to jump the gun and start pushing for more details. The SWO wants us to take things step by step and so we will.
I'm going to try to rebook Dustin a return ticket for July 9th (same as me). We'll just move forward in faith that the timing will work out.
We're taking things step by step. Dustin did an excellent job "buttering up" the official. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. Dustin said that we wanted to play by the rules, do everything according to proper procedures, and not rush the system. I can just imagine the smile on the officer's face. He really likes rules.
We will wait to hear about the conversation with the grandfather before moving forward. Dustin told the SWO that his return ticket to America was in a few weeks. He seemed to nod as if to say, "I think we can try to make that work." I guess anything is possible.
Just to mix things up a little bit, I've decided it's time for me to go over. I'm going to buy myself a ticket tomorrow for these dates: June 15 - July 9th. It's high time I meet this little man. Of course this would mean that we're not coming back on June 19th - Dustin's original return date. But even if adoption proceedings could go that quickly, it will still take a few weeks for immigration approval etc.
This is my understanding of our next steps:
-Talk to the grandfather and have him sign a joint letter with the birth mother
-Have a home inspection by the local SWO in our town, Balaka
Once these steps are done, I believe we'll be looking at lawyers and court dates etc. Dustin didn't want to jump the gun and start pushing for more details. The SWO wants us to take things step by step and so we will.
I'm going to try to rebook Dustin a return ticket for July 9th (same as me). We'll just move forward in faith that the timing will work out.
Material Girl in a Make-Believe World
“There is nothing controversial about the adoption. There is just a lot of bureaucracy and administration and papers that have to be gone through. This adoption was the beginning of the creation of adoption laws in Malawi. Up until this time there were no adoption laws in Malawi."
-Madonna
I have, on my lap, a copy of the Law of Malawi, Adoption of Children Act. Chapter 26. Section 1. Created in 1949. Last revised in 1968. Where does she come off?
As most of you know, I hate talking and thinking about Madonna (did you know Malawi made her an honorary citizen for that day of work she did last year?). Even so, she came across my radar today while I was searching for some info online. And guess what? We have her lawyer's name. Why not? Dustin hasn't been able to get a hold of the other lawyer who comes recommended. We at least know Madonna's guy gets the job done! Wouldn't that be such a hoot - using the same lawyer as Madonna. We'll see what happens. I forwarded Dustin his phone number. Maybe they can chat today!
-Madonna
I have, on my lap, a copy of the Law of Malawi, Adoption of Children Act. Chapter 26. Section 1. Created in 1949. Last revised in 1968. Where does she come off?
As most of you know, I hate talking and thinking about Madonna (did you know Malawi made her an honorary citizen for that day of work she did last year?). Even so, she came across my radar today while I was searching for some info online. And guess what? We have her lawyer's name. Why not? Dustin hasn't been able to get a hold of the other lawyer who comes recommended. We at least know Madonna's guy gets the job done! Wouldn't that be such a hoot - using the same lawyer as Madonna. We'll see what happens. I forwarded Dustin his phone number. Maybe they can chat today!
To Be Expected
Dustin did not meet with the Social Welfare Officer (SWO) today. Here is what transpired. The birth mother was supposed to have dinner with everyone on Monday night (the third night in a row). They were to talk about going to Blantyre and sort out any kinks in how they were going to chat with the officials there. The birth mother never showed up for dinner. As such, she didn't know what time to arrive the next morning for going to Blantyre.
I talked to a somewhat frustrated Dustin last night, who decided to wait until 8 am at the latest to leave for the city. This morning I talked to him. The birth mother had not shown up, so the others left without her. The crew arrived in the city at 10 am. They immediately went to the SW office. Our man was not there. Dustin tried calling him. He was in a meeting. He said, "Call back in 30 minutes." He did. Then the SWO said, "Call back in 30 minutes." And he did again, and again, and again. Each time the SWO seemed very annoyed that Dustin was once again calling, and yet again said, "Call back in 30 minutes." The grouchy SWO told Dustin to just brief another SWO (lower on the totem pole) who could, in turn, inform him of our situation. Dustin went to the office and everyone was gone- either at a funeral or attending to the Malawi/South Africa fiasco.
The plan now, is to meet the SWO at 8 am (sharp, he said) tomorrow. The birth mother finally came by the house in Balaka and will be traveling to join our motley crew for this meeting. Dustin's sounding pretty negative about it. His words: "The Social Welfare Officer is treating me like shit." This is what we expected from our past interactions from him. But, still, we didn't want to project that past negativity onto the present situation. I'm having an easier time with that than Dustin. The 10,000 mile distance is good for something (if only one thing).
One reason he could be treating us like shit is... he has our story confused with someone elses. On their last phone call together, the SWO told Dustin, "I talked to your wife 10 minutes ago and she said you could meet me on Thursday." All whites look and sound alike. I did not call him at all. There could be another family in a similar situation that is causing the grumpiness (or contributing to it, I should say).
SO... Pray hard that his little heart of ice melts. That he can hear our story. That he has the best interest of Moses in mind. That the birth mother arrives in time. That the lawyer will actually answer his phone. That Dustin simmers down. And that Moses sits still for the meeting (a great feat, apparently).
When I was chatting with Dustin, he was walking up and down the aisles of Game (a huge South African box store in the city) to find a new hotplate. He was trying to feed Moses and talk to me at the same time. We had to end our conversation a bit short (and unhappily). I'll let you know more when I do. In the meantime, pray hard.
I talked to a somewhat frustrated Dustin last night, who decided to wait until 8 am at the latest to leave for the city. This morning I talked to him. The birth mother had not shown up, so the others left without her. The crew arrived in the city at 10 am. They immediately went to the SW office. Our man was not there. Dustin tried calling him. He was in a meeting. He said, "Call back in 30 minutes." He did. Then the SWO said, "Call back in 30 minutes." And he did again, and again, and again. Each time the SWO seemed very annoyed that Dustin was once again calling, and yet again said, "Call back in 30 minutes." The grouchy SWO told Dustin to just brief another SWO (lower on the totem pole) who could, in turn, inform him of our situation. Dustin went to the office and everyone was gone- either at a funeral or attending to the Malawi/South Africa fiasco.
The plan now, is to meet the SWO at 8 am (sharp, he said) tomorrow. The birth mother finally came by the house in Balaka and will be traveling to join our motley crew for this meeting. Dustin's sounding pretty negative about it. His words: "The Social Welfare Officer is treating me like shit." This is what we expected from our past interactions from him. But, still, we didn't want to project that past negativity onto the present situation. I'm having an easier time with that than Dustin. The 10,000 mile distance is good for something (if only one thing).
One reason he could be treating us like shit is... he has our story confused with someone elses. On their last phone call together, the SWO told Dustin, "I talked to your wife 10 minutes ago and she said you could meet me on Thursday." All whites look and sound alike. I did not call him at all. There could be another family in a similar situation that is causing the grumpiness (or contributing to it, I should say).
SO... Pray hard that his little heart of ice melts. That he can hear our story. That he has the best interest of Moses in mind. That the birth mother arrives in time. That the lawyer will actually answer his phone. That Dustin simmers down. And that Moses sits still for the meeting (a great feat, apparently).
When I was chatting with Dustin, he was walking up and down the aisles of Game (a huge South African box store in the city) to find a new hotplate. He was trying to feed Moses and talk to me at the same time. We had to end our conversation a bit short (and unhappily). I'll let you know more when I do. In the meantime, pray hard.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
"Mamamamamamama." -Moses Khumbo
Moses sounds like a little dare devil. I'm told he's going to be the kind of child who's constantly moving, getting into something, and hurting himself. Dustin says that he's a lot of work. He can't crawl yet but he can scoot. Margaret says he moves "like a snake." Apparently he can get from one side of the room to the other. We have a lot to do to babyproof our house here. He just moves constantly, from sun-up to sun-down. Dustin jokingly said that he's worried Moses will suffer brain damage. He often falls off people's laps and onto his head - on the concrete floors of our house in Malawi.
Dustin is getting to know his role as father. I gather that it's a difficult transition for both him and Margaret. Dustin said that when Moses cries the Malawian women come and take the baby from him, assuming that it's not the father's job to comfort the child. Right now Moses sleeps with Dustin, and spits up on him, and is fed by him. But Margaret is still bathing him and comforting him when he cries. Moses can say "mama." Usually it's "mamamamamamamama." It's the most adorable thing I've ever heard and yet it's bittersweet because I want to hear those words directed toward me. Whatever grief I have in not being there is overcome with gratitude that he does have a woman in his life whom he sees as "mama." Margaret is an amazing woman. And there's nothing that I could ever do or say to convey my appreciation for the way she's taken care of this little boy.
Dustin, John, Moses, Margaret, and Johanna (his birth mother) have an appointment to see the Social Welfare Officer in Blantyre. It takes 2 hours of travel time to get to the city by bus. Plus there are the hours waiting for the bus to fill up... I haven't been keeping up with the news very well, but apparently Malawian immigrants in South Africa are having to flee due to violence. As strange as it may sound, this may affect our adoption. The Social Welfare Dept. is overseeing the return of these victims of violence to Malawi. The officer conveyed that he's going to be very busy in the coming weeks, dealing with this situation. I'm hoping we'll find some hidden blessing in this...
That's all for tonight. I'm looking forward to hearing what comes of the meeting on Tuesday.
Dustin is getting to know his role as father. I gather that it's a difficult transition for both him and Margaret. Dustin said that when Moses cries the Malawian women come and take the baby from him, assuming that it's not the father's job to comfort the child. Right now Moses sleeps with Dustin, and spits up on him, and is fed by him. But Margaret is still bathing him and comforting him when he cries. Moses can say "mama." Usually it's "mamamamamamamama." It's the most adorable thing I've ever heard and yet it's bittersweet because I want to hear those words directed toward me. Whatever grief I have in not being there is overcome with gratitude that he does have a woman in his life whom he sees as "mama." Margaret is an amazing woman. And there's nothing that I could ever do or say to convey my appreciation for the way she's taken care of this little boy.
Dustin, John, Moses, Margaret, and Johanna (his birth mother) have an appointment to see the Social Welfare Officer in Blantyre. It takes 2 hours of travel time to get to the city by bus. Plus there are the hours waiting for the bus to fill up... I haven't been keeping up with the news very well, but apparently Malawian immigrants in South Africa are having to flee due to violence. As strange as it may sound, this may affect our adoption. The Social Welfare Dept. is overseeing the return of these victims of violence to Malawi. The officer conveyed that he's going to be very busy in the coming weeks, dealing with this situation. I'm hoping we'll find some hidden blessing in this...
That's all for tonight. I'm looking forward to hearing what comes of the meeting on Tuesday.
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