Our Story of Baby Moses

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2009-01-25T20:47:00.001-08:00

Today is January 25th - exactly a month after my sweet son and husband came "home." It's hard to believe so much time has passed. It's even harder to believe that this little boy ever lived in an orphanage so far away. I try to picture him back in his little crib in Malawi at five months old. The image is faint. A wide-eyed boy who never cried, and barely smiled. I took some video footage of Moses watching Obama's inauguration the other day. I rewound it to see how it came out. I went a little too far and realized the last clip on the tape was of Moses at five months, right before I left Malawi. He was emaciated and glassy-eyed. His skin was hanging off his stomach. His soft spot had sunken in and his diarrhea wouldn't stop. We took him to the hospital where he was admitted for five days. I couldn't watch any more of the video. That boy is only a shell of the one I see before me today.

Today, I see a vibrant boy. One who loves life. One who's smile could light up a thousand rooms (and probably will). I see a curious boy. A boy who's eyes are wide to possibility. I see a thinker. A tinkerer. A winker. A heartthrob. A sage. A musician. A writer.

I see a lover. A softie. A daredevil. I see someone who's no longer afraid to love or be loved. I see a twinkle, a spark, pizzazz. I see someone with the wisdom of the ages. I see a friend. A compassionate one. A quiet soul.

I see a boy who will someday become a man. A good man. A man who knows where he comes from.

A man who used to be a little boy who loved to blow his mama kisses and smile at her dancing. The little boy who found peek-a-boo hysterical and his toys uninteresting. The little boy who loved nothing more than being held...

Moses fills my heart with immeasurable joy.

I find it a privilege to be a part of his life.

Below are some photos of our first weeks together:

I think it's funny that Dustin, Moses and Hans are all looking at the camera in this one. Moses and Hans have a strangely similar look about them...

What happened to the love?

Soccer! He takes after his mama.

Moses' 1st birthday party. The crowns are from leftover Christmas crackers.

Grandpa Pattison and Mimi gave Moses a guitar for his birthday.

Moses and his dad started a band.

Playing with his friend Soren.

Here he's making his favorite new face!

Our little drummer (and guitar) boy

2008-12-28T20:28:00.000-08:00

Moses is transitioning beautifully to our home here in Portland. When Dustin walked out of the airport it was with Moses sleeping on his shoulder. He woke and allowed me to hold him immediately. My heart soared. I didn't know if he'd want to be held by me right away. We made our way to the baggage claim where we played on the floor. With very little coaxing, he crawled to me. Dustin says Moses rarely crawls to anyone, so he thought Moses might remember me from all those months ago. That night, he slept in our bed wearing cozy footed moose pajamas (sigh), nestled against my side all night. And I woke up to him crawling all over me and snuggling his face against mine. I honestly couldn't imagine a more perfect first day and night together.

Moses is already on a fairly regular schedule (surprising considering Malawi is ten hours ahead of us) and we're all sleeping through the night. He doesn't like to be apart from his mama and dada so he's often found in our arms or playing right next to us on the floor. We are getting lots of good bonding time and really couldn't be happier. I love spending each moment with him and actually look forward to when he wakes up from his naps. I'll relish them soon enough, I'm sure - after our honeymoon phase.

Moses got a drum for Christmas from our neighbors. He opened this his first morning here and is seldom seen without one of the drumsticks in his hands. We have to pry it from his fingers at bed time. He also loves his daddy's singing and guitar playing and often sings, strums, and drums along as well. He's definitely a little musician in the making, as you can see below.

Sorry this post is short and choppy. Free time is generally full of sleep right now. I want to thank everyone who signed up to bring us meals in these first few weeks. It's so nice to not worry about spending a lot of time in the kitchen so we can be with Moses. We are so glad he's home!

They arrived!

2008-12-27T09:53:00.001-08:00

Dustin and Moses are home! Moses is more precious than I could have ever imagined. His transition to our our home, and mine to motherhood, is going quite well so far. Will write more later...

He's coming!

2008-12-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

I just found out that Dustin and Moses missed their last flight but were able to get on another one. They will only be delayed by two hours. I can't believe it. It's finally real. My baby is almost home. And I'm already crying. I'm going to be a wreck at the airport.

Baby black, baby black, baby black mamba

2008-12-15T22:23:00.001-08:00

Here I sit on the eve of Dustin's and my eight-year wedding anniversary. Who knew we would wait eight years before having our first child? And who knew he would come from Malawi instead of my womb? I certainly did not. And I certainly could not have written a more beautiful story.

Dustin and Moses are still in Malawi. We had a horrendous time getting Moses' passport. A Malawi immigration official decided to get high and mighty. He started poking around about Dustin's visa (a tourist visa, not a work visa) and declared that no adoption is allowed on a such a visa. He refused to process Moses' passport. Days continued to pass. Our lawyer told us not to worry. He said there was plenty of precedent, and that even Madonna adopted on a tourist visa. Finally our lawyer finagled a meeting with a very busy, higher-up official who finally allowed the passport to go through.

Dustin went to our lawyer's office early last week to secure the passport and pay the bill. Before leaving for the city, he received a text message from the lawyer's assistant that said our legal fee would actually be FOUR TIMES the cost they had quoted us. Dustin met with Sister Mary on the way to the city, who advised Dustin to take the passport and say he would return later to take care of the bill. She agreed the bill was more than exorbitant and told Dustin the maximum he should pay for such a service.

When Dustin arrived at the lawyer's office, the lawyer refused to surrender the passport without full payment of his fees. Dustin tried to negotiate and say that he'd really rather take the passport now and come back to deal with the bill later. Our lawyer became very unreasonable. Dustin was in his office for at least four hours going back and forth, back and forth. Basically, the lawyer was holding Moses' passport at ransom - for four times the cost of his services. Dustin called Sister Mary while the lawyer was out of the room. She was appalled at his behavior (he's a personal friend of hers). She demanded to talk to him. The lawyer refused to talk to her. Hours later (or so I understand) he did call her. But he refused to budge on his fees. Finally, Dustin agreed to pay him just a few hundred dollars less than his asking price (much higher than the advised maximum from the sister) and he finally agreed. Goodbye dollars! Goodbye.

The next day, Dustin drove the passport to the capital, first passing by the doctor's office to get a signature on Moses' required medical examination. [Note: Moses had already had blood work and x-rays done at a doctor's office in Blantyre. But the doctor would not perform the entire medical exam until we had the passport. The problem was, the doctor was going on vacation for Christmas and was completely booked up until January. Fortunately, Dustin was able to bring Moses to the only other embassy-approved doctor (in Lilongwe) who was able to see Moses right away, but wouldn't finalize everything until he saw the passport. Sorry for the details, but I don't want to forget the progression later.]

As of Wednesday, the embassy had all of our documents: our visa applications (technically we are "sponsoring an immigrant"), our bank statements, our W2s, our pay stubs, the adoption decree, Moses' vaccination waiver, his medical exam, copies of all of our passports, notarized this and that... and the documents I had sent via DHL. There were enough forms to wallpaper Donald Trump's house.

The only way for Dustin and Moses to keep their December 13th return date was for the embassy to completely approve Moses' visa by the end of the day Wednesday. This wasn't able to happen. So we rebooked. The next available ticket was for Christmas eve and Christmas day. We took it.

Dustin and Moses have an interview (apparently it's an adjudication) tonight at the embassy. We hope to have a formal visa by Thursday or Friday of this week. There's really nothing that should stand in the way of their December 25th return date. We expect them at 6 pm. Oh holy night!

There's not a whole lot for Dustin to do at this point. I suggested he and Moses take a mini vacation. They did. Dustin, Margaret, and Moses went to the lake the other day. Moses was overwhelmed by the newness of it all. He didn't really get the concept of playing in sand, and seemed afraid of the waves (Lake Malawi can seem more like a sea). It scares me too a bit... but that's mostly because of the hippos, monitor lizards, and schistosomiasis. [grin]

Since Moses wasn't taken by the waves, Dustin took him swimming in a pool at a nearby hotel. He apparently liked that very much and splashed to his heart's content.

In other news, I received a text message from my dear husband this morning, which read, "The US may not be perfect but at least you won't find black mambas in your bathroom!"

Who could not respond to such an intriguing text message? Yes it is true. There was a snake, believed to be a baby black mamba in our bathroom. The bathroom is in our bedroom! Dustin said he was engaged in his routine cockroach killing several nights ago when he saw one that looked a little different... It was partly in a crack in the floor, so he couldn't really crush it properly before it disappeared. He thought little of it until he was sitting on the toilet (I believe that's what he said) when a baby snake came out of the hole and coiled itself up very near Dustin. I don't particularly know how Dustin got himself out of there safely, but he did. He called Margaret but before they could do anything the snake had got back into it's hole in the cement floor.

Margaret claims raw onions drive away snakes, so she proceeded to chop up tons of onions and sprinkle them all over our house, including in our closet, our drawers, and all over Dustin and Moses' clothes. They slept until morning when our watchman cemented up the hole. Margaret, who is either hilariously optimistic or intensely dishonest when it comes to snakes, claims that her onions would have been enough even without the cement job.

It's possible you don't know much about the black mamba. I've selected a few choice passages from Wikipedia. Grandparents of Moses: PLEASE STOP READING NOW!!! I mean it!

The Black Mamba (Dendroaspis polylepis), is an elapid snake and is one of Africa's most dangerous and feared snakes...It is known for being very aggressive when disturbed or confronted and will not hesitate to strike with deadly precision.

The black mamba is the largest venomous snake in Africa and the second longest venomous snake in the world. Adult black mambas have an average length of 8.2 ft... Of the venomous snakes of the world, only the King Cobra is longer.

When warding off a bigger threat or feeling very threatened, the black mamba usually delivers multiple strikes, injecting its potent neuro- and cardiotoxin with each strike, often attacking the body or head, unlike most other snakes. It can strike up to 12 times in a row. A single bite from a black mamba can inject enough venom to kill up to 10 grown men, easily killing one unless the appropriate anti-venom is administered in time. When cornered, it will readily attack. When in the striking position, the mamba flattens its neck, hisses very loudly and displays its inky black mouth and fangs. It can rear up around one-third of its body from the ground, which allows it to reach heights of approximately four feet.

Without treatment the mortality rate is nearly 100%, the highest among venomous snakes. Depending on the nature of a bite, death can, and has resulted in as little as 15-30 minutes or it may take up to 120-180 minutes.

.......

There was likely a black mamba on the same floor where my son plays. Baby black mambas are equally as deadly, if not more so because they are unable to control the amount of poison they release...

Christmas can't come too soon.

Distractions

2008-12-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

Part of a story from Anne Lamott:

Carolyn Myss, who writes about healing, went to Russia a few years ago to give a series of lectures. Every single aspect of getting to Russia that could go poorly, did. Then in Moscow it turned out that her reserved room at the hotel had been given to someone else. She ended up sleeping on a stranger's floor. Two mornings later, on a train to her conference on healing, she began to whine at the man sitting beside her about how infuriating her journey had been thus far. It turned out that he worked for the Dalai Lama. And he said gently that he believed that when a lot of seemingly meaningless things started going wrong all at once, it was to protect something big and lovely that was trying to get itself born -- that, in other words, perhaps it needed for you to be distracted so it could be born perfect.

Things in Malawi continue to "go wrong." We had been told that Moses' passport would most certainly be ready by Friday. It was not. The lawyer's assistant (who can take more credit for our adoption going through than the lawyer) passed the buck to the lawyer to arrange the getting of the passport. As usual, he is not answering his phone. Dustin did talk to him for a second yesterday when the lawyer called in response to a missed call. When he realized that call was from Dustin he quickly hung up saying, "I'll call you back later." He didn't. It's been over a week since we applied for the passport. When we helped Margaret get one earlier this year, it took only 2-3 days.

Another fun thing we recently learned is that the US Embassy needs some original hard-copies of forms we thought we could email. I had a frantic day of finishing paperwork and sending it off to Malawi via DHL. It costs over a hundred dollars to send an envelope 3-day. Or it was SUPPOSED to be 3-day. Even though the package was left at a DHL location at 11 am yesterday, it somehow missed it's 8:00 pm plane and spent the last 36 hours sitting at the airport NOT going to Malawi. Supposedly it is off and on it's way now, but is not expected to arrive until Wednesday - count one, two, three, four, five, six working days... DHL is very apologetic and said they would refund the money for their delay, but that doesn't help our paperwork get there any sooner.

What all of this means is that there is no way Dustin and Moses are coming home when their ticket says. We will extend once again. Hopefully for the last time. It is hard to understand why everything has to be so... hard. Perhaps it's so we'll be distracted and not get in the way of this great miracle being born. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

Introducing...

2008-12-03T12:29:00.001-08:00

I almost forgot. I should make a formal announcement, or as formal as possible on a blog.

Introducing:

Moses Wetu Pattison
Son of Dustin and Cara Pattison
Born: January 2nd, 2008 (supposed to be the 1st, lawyer's mistake)
Adopted: November 17th, 2008
Twenty-something pounds and lots of inches

His middle name, Wetu, means "ours" or "ours from God." It's from the Yao tribe. This name was prearranged by our Malawian friend Margaret for our first child, who just happens to be Moses! This name has special significance as several "prophets" in our lives have suggested that Moses is "for the community." He belongs to all of us. He is OURS. Or at least he will be after I've had plenty of one-on-one snuggle time!

Ta da!

A long awaited update - post adoption

2008-12-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

I know. I know. Over two weeks have passed since my very generic "It's a boy" post. Many of you have asked for more details. These past few weeks have been a crazy blur and I haven't had the opportunity to sit down until now, when overcome with a sore throat I can finally find the time to write.

Our court hearing took place on the morning of Monday, November 17th. It was Sunday night for me. I had just spent the weekend at my brother's wedding in California and was driving back home to Portland, escorted by my mother because I had thrown out my back and couldn't drive myself. Sunday evening, we went through Chico and met up with some very good friends for dinner and playtime with their young children. We then made the trek to Redding, where we were to spend the night at my grandparents' house. One in the morning approached and we still hadn't heard from Dustin. My calling card refused to work, so I was unable to get any news from him. The past six months have taught me that it's better to just try to sleep because there's no knowing how long the wait will be. So I did. Until 5:30 am when my father-in-law woke me with a text message saying he had just talked with Dustin. Apparently the judge reviewed our case in the morning and asked to adjourn until the afternoon. The ruling was expected to happen at 3:30 pm Malawi time, 5:30 am our time. I waited a little bit and tried to call Dustin again. The calling card worked this time, but he rushed me off the phone so I wouldn't tie up the line while he waited for the call from our lawyer. You see, Dustin wasn't at the court. But was home in our bed in Malawi playing solitaire. All day.

It was time to get up, get ready, and start our drive to Oregon. I lingered for a bit. I didn't want to be in the shower when I got the call. But more time passed. So I showered and got dressed. I was packing all of my things and realized that if Dustin didn't call soon we'd be driving through the mountains and wouldn't have cell coverage. I told God that it would be really great to find out before we left my grandparents' house, so we could share the news together. A few seconds later at 6:45 am I received a text message from Dustin. It read,

"Guess who's a mommy?"

I ran out to the living room with the news. We all hugged. I thought I'd be crying my eyes out. But I wasn't. I was in complete shock. I called Dustin. He said everything was final. We only had to wait for the judge to sign the paperwork, which he would do in the coming days.

I had a very strong urge to be away from everyone, in a forest, surrounded by trees at the edge of a cliff, screaming.

But my mom and I packed up and started down the road, in our brand new car (thanks to my brother Matt), with our brand new car seat in the back (thanks to Mom and friend Susie) which held a little lamb (known as Lammykins) to represent how Moses would soon be sitting there.

By Wed of that week, the papers were signed and we applied for Moses’ birth certificate. On Thursday morning Dustin went to the orphanage to bring him home! Nothing is ever without drama in Malawi. Dustin had called the orphanage the night before to say he had the official paperwork. When he arrived there that morning, the nun refused to let him take Moses. The problem is that no one speaks English. Only Italian and Chichewa. And even with Margaret, our fluent Chichewa speaker, people were very confused. Apparently the person Dustin had talked to the night before spoke some English but botched everything up and thought that we didn't really have the paperwork... It was a big mess. And Sister Mary (who founded the orphanage and lives several miles away) was called and demanded Dustin come and see her. He did. She speaks English. Everything was sorted out. And after a long, frustrating detour, Dustin finally picked up Moses and brought him home.

The day after our adoption was finalized, I learned Moses had malaria again. He was being treated, but he was still very sick - throwing up, having diarrhea, feeling feverish. For the first week with Dustin, Moses had constant watery diarrhea, likely caused from the stress of all the changes. The diapers there are no match for anything, let alone watery diarrhea. Dustin reports that he was covered in poop all day. When Dustin woke up in the morning, it would be in a pool of baby diarrhea.

Dustin is a good man.

He said that when it was time for Moses to leave the orphanage, Moses seemed to inherently know what was happening. When Dustin encouraged him to hug the workers goodbye, he clung to Dustin. This is my new father, he seemed to say. Shortly after arriving home, Moses’ personality started to burst at the seams. He finally felt free to be himself. He talks constantly. He's started composing songs (like father like son) and has three specific tunes that he's created and performs regularly. Dustin sings to him all the time, so this isn't a huge surprise. He now cries regularly (Moses, not Dustin) and even whines and pouts. Remind me later that this is a good thing. It means Moses feels comfortable to express himself. But remind me gently, and not with a smirk :)

Moses’ little voice breaks my heart. I finally get to hear it. The orphanage was in such a remote area that there was little to no cell phone signal. I can now hear him growl and fuss and talk to his daddy. But the thing that really gets me is when he says "uh-oh." It's in a high pitch, teensy, tiny voice. I could listen to that uh-oh all day long. When I hear it I just want to eat him up. And I will in a few weeks. Speaking of eating, I'm starving... It sucks to be sick when you're all alone.

Okay, back to the story. We applied for Moses’ birth certificate and got it last week. On Thursday, we applied for his Malawian passport. We expected to receive this in just a few days. On Monday, we learned that our application needed the signature of Balaka's District Commissioner. Dustin had to drive (he has the rental car again - cha-ching) for two hours to pick up the application and two hours back to the DC for his signature. Then he drove two hours back to town to deliver the application and then two hours back home. Last night I learned that Immigration had more questions about Dustin's visa (before they would issue Moses’ passport) and we got nervous about all of the other things that could still go wrong. Dustin had to fax over copies of his passport pages. I haven't heard any more news, though I believe Dustin has some. He texted me and asked me to call but the phones aren't working. As far as I understand, we're expecting to have the passport on Friday. We're hoping that on Friday afternoon, Moses can have his required medical examination. And we hope to apply for his visa on Monday morning at the US Embassy. We've been told it takes several days (up to five, I think) for the Embassy to process a visa before a child can come home. They are set to fly out on Friday morning, only giving the Embassy four days to complete their paperwork. We're starting to get nervous about their December 12th flight, and their December 13th return date.

That's the news from Lake Malawi.

It's a boy!!!

2008-11-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

MOSES IS FINALLY OURS!!!

Our many months of labor may finally be over...

2008-11-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

This should be one of my most momentous posts and yet I have completely no time to do it justice. So here's what's going on:

-The judge gave us a new court date for Monday at 9 am. On the West Coast, this means 11 pm on Sunday night, November 16th. Everything COULD be finalized at this time.

-We've known about this court date for two days. The lawyer's concern was that the Social Welfare Department would make things difficult for us. For example, they could show up to the court and try to tell the judge that the country is changing adoption law etc...

-But, just last night we learned that the Social Welfare Officer has FINALLY signed the report. It is favorable. There's really nothing else to stand in the way of the adoption. We think. Our lawyer said he was 100% confident that our adoption would be finished on the 16th/17th.

-The cool thing was, this report was signed during or just after a time of prayer where friends here in the US prayed at the same time our friends in Malawi did. Dustin sent me a text message in the middle of the night saying "Call me. Good news." The news of the report being signed did not come from our lawyer but rather our nun friend who just got back from the Congo. She was at his office trying to help another couple start the adoption process. Dustin will be talking to the lawyer in the upcoming days, so hopefully we'll find out more about how it happened.

In the meantime, keep on praying for Sunday night! Thank you all.

Wide River

2008-11-09T22:41:00.000-08:00

A poem by Langston Hughes

Ma baby lives across de river
An' I ain't got no boat.
She lives across de river.
I ain't got no boat.
I ain't a good swimmer
An' I don't know how to float.

Wide, wide river
'Twixt ma love an' me.
Wide, wide river
'Twixt ma love an' me.
I never knowed how
Wide a river can be.

Got to cross that river
An' git to ma baby somehow.
Cross that river,
Git to ma baby somehow—
Cause if I don't see ma baby
I'll lay down an' die right now.

Moses is no longer a quiet child

2008-11-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

Dustin says that in the last few days Moses left his quieter ways. He is now talking and singing constantly. And he's often quite LOUD. Moses can now pull himself up using furniture and can stand up in his crib. I gather that he likes to climb things. Dustin says that Moses is a very happy boy who always crawls over to greet the women who work at the orphanage when they enter the room. He gets a lot of love from Sister Santa, the Italian nun in charge of the orphanage. He really sees her as a mother figure, though they don't get a lot of time together.

The latest news on the adoption is that we are still waiting to hear back from the judge. Our lawyer put in a petition requesting a new court hearing. That was two weeks ago. Usually a judge responds in just a few days. We're hoping this delay isn't indicative of the judge's feelings toward the case... At the end of last week, Dustin spoke with the lawyer's assistant (she actually answers her phone while he never does) and she said something that made us think the lawyer was not giving our case enough attention. She mentioned something about the possibility of her taking over. That made us curious and nervous.

Dustin talked to the assistant today and she said that the lawyer agreed that she should oversee things from here on out. We hope this is a good idea. Today, she went to file some other kind of legal document at the court. Apparently if the judge hasn't responded to a petition in a reasonable amount of time, the lawyer files this other "thing" that urges the judge to give us a court date ASAP. We expect to hear something by the end of the week.

I forgot to mention that Moses has impetigo, a skin infection. Dustin says Moses looks horrible and is hoping he won't have any scarring from it. It's highly contagious and Dustin's starting to get it too. The orphanage is giving Moses some neon purple topical medicine to take care of it, so hopefully it'll clear up soon.

Meanwhile, Dustin is getting in awesome shape. He's riding his bike at least two hours a day, uphill a majority of the time (in over 100 degree, humid weather). Though, of course, I wish I were with Dustin and Moses in Malawi, I don't particularly mind that I don't have to make that trek regularly.

Dustin sent me these pictures about 2 weeks ago. Moses just turned 10 months old. And as usual, he's wearing pink.

Alarming news

2008-10-21T18:13:00.001-07:00

Hi Everybody,
Sorry it's taken me so long to give you more adoption news. If there was any reason to jump up and down I would have certainly let you know. We've basically been in a holding pattern for weeks - simply waiting for the Social Welfare Officer (SWO) to finish his report for the judge. (Don't forget, the SWO was given this charge four months ago and it would only take about 10 minutes to complete.) Just yesterday, we found ourselves in a very strange predicament with the adoption and I'd like to share what's going on.

Throughout the past weeks, our lawyer has been keeping the judge abreast of our case. Supposedly the judge was getting annoyed that the SWO had not yet produced the report and said he would be willing to consider a report from our lawyer if he could get the SWO to sign it. They are calling this document the affidavit. Our lawyer drew up the affidavit and brought it to the SWO. He refused to sign it. He claimed that he wanted to create the actual report and that he'd get around to it in due time.

Yesterday we received the somewhat alarming news that the SWO's refusal to sign the affidavit is related to much more than his own pride and prejudice. We learned, somewhat skeptically, that the SWO's superiors have ordered a halt on all adoptions by foreigners. Supposedly the government is reassessing its adoption policy and the SWO claims he cannot write us any report or sign any affidavit. On the one hand, it's good for them to reassess adoption policy (perhaps more children could find good homes) if the process was clearer. On the other hand, this reassessment process would likely take MANY MONTHS. The rumor is that this standstill is related to Madonna's attempt to adopt a second child from Malawi. Why does that woman have to cause me so much grief?

So what are we going to do?

Our lawyer has drawn up an excellent petition stating that law and not policy guide adoption in Malawi. No law has changed. He also states we started our adoption under particular conditions and should not be victim to any alterations in these mid-process. He charges the SWO with not looking after the child's best interest, as the law states that a child being placed in an orphanage should be a last resort, especially when there is a willing family. The petition also clarifies a misstep our first lawyer made in appointing the SWO as guardian ad litem when the orphanage is actually overseeing his well-being.

Either yesterday or today, the lawyer was planning to bring this petition to the registrar at the court. This petition asks for the judge to give us another court date and asks him to forgo any report from Social Welfare. It asks for the judge to hear our case based on the evidence from the orphanage, the police, and our very thorough, very expensive home study report from the United States. The lawyer anticipates hearing back from the court by Friday about a date for our future hearing.

It's hard not to feel down after news of this magnitude. The Social Welfare is refusing to finish our adoption after we've invested eight grueling, long months of our lives - half of them apart from each other. After we've invested nearly, if not over, $15,000 - every single penny from my new job and some from our friends. It's hard to not feel down after we've invested every thread, sinew, and synapse of our beings into loving two children who have never known love. It feels like a real slap in the face.

Our friend Margaret, in her own words, said you know you're a mother when you're covered in shit. If I wasn't a mother before, I am now. And it stinks.

But I didn't write this post to depress you or to wallow in any of my own despair. I wrote to ask you to summon every ounce of goodness in the galaxy, in God, in your being, and to pray for Moses like you never prayed before. And to pray for the judge. And our lawyer. And Dustin. And me.

Dustin and I are covering up this hard news with soft images of our little family together. Lying in our bed with Moses in the middle as Dustin's sings him to sleep with the lullaby he composed. Sitting in our living room reading our assortment of children's books while our dog Hans tries to lick Moses all over. Feeding Moses turkey for the first time at the family dinner table as we tearfully share how we're more thankful than we've ever been before.

I have always believed in the power of prayer and positive thinking. I ask you to join me in imagining the joy and laughter that are to come.

Moses is almost 9 months old now

2008-09-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

I can't believe over two weeks have gone by without a post. Perhaps my subconscious mind has been trying to deny the fact that these last few weeks have revealed little news. We've been waiting for the Social Welfare Officer (SWO) to create his report for the judge. Our lawyer is often hard to understand and always vague. It's been hard to know if our lawyer had even contacted the SWO to get this report. They've at least talked once because the news on Friday was that the two would meet to discuss whether the SWO would even create the report. Please don't ask why. The answer is always the same: It's Malawi.

We haven't heard yet if this meeting actually happened. It's unlikely that a meeting would have occurred on a Friday afternoon in Malawi. It seems that most things shut down after lunch.

Meanwhile, Moses is crawling all over the place and growing like crazy. He'll be 9 months old on the first of October. He has teeth on the top and bottom now. And he's really attached to Dustin. No one else will do.

I will write when we know more. Thanks for your continued prayers.

No, it hasn't happened yet

2008-09-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

The adoption is still not final my friends. Dustin went to the court along with the whole gang, including Moses. They met in the judge's private chambers. Moses was very rambunctious, filling the very stoic room with interesting sounds, and would only be held by Dustin. The judge wrote a bunch of things down as the lawyer spoke. Dustin never once said a thing. The judge seemed favorable toward the adoption but said he couldn't make a ruling because, apparently, there is still no Social Welfare report! This makes me so angry I can barely even write. That report that was started back in June - the report that would only take 10 minutes to type up - is still not finished three months later? We were under the impression that it was done (in some form), that it was in our lawyer's possession. It was not.

The good news: it seems likely that the adoption could go off without a hitch once that report is received at the court. Note I say, "seems." The bad news: the Social Welfare Officer has no incentive to finish his report in a timely manner. It's been three months already! Our lawyer is on his way to the Social Welfare office to request they finish the report by next Monday or Tuesday, so we can return to court mid to late next week. The problem rests equally with our lawyer, as he didn't try very hard to make sure this document was present - as our nun friend urged him to do.

I can't imagine having to go through one more night like this one. And yet, that's the way it's going to be folks. If anyone ever tries to tell me adoption is the "easy way" to have children, I will lose it. And probably poke someone's eye out!

We likely won't have any more news until next Tuesday or Wednesday.

Getting ready for the big day...

2008-09-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

Dustin went to the city yesterday to meet with our lawyer. He showed Dustin the paperwork that he created for the judge. It was surprisingly good! He made an excellent case for how Moses needed to live with a family, not in an institution. I feel a lot more confident about the big day now. There were a few errors of course - one saying that our nonprofit has sponsored projects at the orphanage? Not sure where that came from? Also, the letter sent to the head Social Welfare Officer asked him to report to court on February 12th and not September 12th... Dustin's going to make a phone call just to make sure there isn't any confusion on this point.

Dustin, Moses, and a Malawian nun from the orphanage will be driving to Blantyre very early on Friday morning for the case. Pray that they don't have any travel issues. A tire on our car blew out yesterday! Not something we want to happen on route to the court! Fortunately Dustin was slowing down to go through a checkpoint, so he wasn't in danger of running off the road. (Did I mention there was a minor accident some weeks back when a bicyclist hit our car while Dustin was driving at highway speeds?) Supposedly Malawi has the most car accidents per capita of any African country. That's at least a highly circulated myth. And quite likely true from our vantage point on the roads. Enough talk of transport.

As I write, it is exactly 24 hours before our court case is to begin. It's time for me to head to bed! I'll let you now how tomorrow goes. Remember, the case is to start at 11:30 pm our time (Thursday).

It aint over til it's over

2008-09-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

I'm on a break from work, so here is the quick recap. I finally heard from Dustin this morning around 9 am (though I had expected a call in the middle of the night). Our lawyer hadn't called him with any news, but finally returned one of Dustin's many phone calls at the end of his day. Apparently our lawyer went before the judge who wanted more time to look over our paperwork. We now have a follow-up court date for Friday morning at 8:30 am (11:30 pm on Thursday night for us West Coasters). Dustin and Moses will both be present for this hearing. It sounds like our lawyer knew all along that this would be a 2-part thing. He just hadn't communicated this with us.

Our lawyer seems to think the outcome will be favorable and without conditions (meaning no foster period). But please continue to pray for this and the other requests posted below.

Thanks and I'll post more soon!

Some things to consider in your prayers:

2008-09-08T08:34:00.001-07:00

This is a list of prayer requests related to our court date. You likely received this over email too. I left out a very important one! Which is that the judge will allow us to bypass a foster period and move straight to adoption. Dustin will not be present at the court. The lawyer felt our case would be smoother without him there.

Here are the rest of the prayer requests:

-For everyone to show up to the court - on time! (judge, lawyer, social workers also known as SWOs, orphanage staff)
-For the court date to not be shifted for any reason
-For all proper/necessary documentation to be present and accurate
-For the witnesses to be truthful - especially important in the case of the social worker (not known for his honesty)
-For the Regional SWO to keep his promise to us - that he will recommend a "final adoption order" to the judge
-For our lawyer to be competent, charismatic, and willing to fight for us
-For the judge to be kind-hearted and truly hear Moses' story
-For the judge to uphold the law and not be prejudiced against foreigners
-For the judge to make a positive ruling, even in my absence (he has the power to refuse a ruling if all parties aren't present)
-For Dustin's and my peace of mind while we anxiously await the results

Our hearing is schedule for 8:30 am (meaning 11:30 pm our time TONIGHT) though the lawyer doesn't expect the judge to show up until at least 9. Dustin thinks it's more likely that our case will be heard in the afternoon.

I'll keep you posted.

Extortion and other niceties

2008-09-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

We are still on for September 9th. That's the good news. We know we are in the court register. The way we know... well that's the issue. You see, our first lawyer (also known as the lawyer we fired - or rather the lawyer with whom we "closed the case until further notice") sent a letter to the orphanage saying he knew about our September 9th court date from looking at the court registers. He also said we owed him $550 (his full fee) for not doing any work. He claimed that he had organized a court date for us but that we never returned his calls. Funny, considering he never returned our calls... and when he did it was with a text message asking us to use our hard-earned phone units to call him back. I got the impression from Dustin that the lawyer was hinting in his letter that he might find a way to interfere with our current court date if we didn't pay him in full...

Dustin, my good husband, has been hiding this information from me for the past week or so as he didn't want to cause me undue stress. Our current lawyer said he would try to take care of this issue, but finally said we'd just have to pay. He advised talking the fee down by half. That's exactly what Dustin did. Goodbye two hundred and fifty dollars.

Dustin had a meeting with our current lawyer this week - to go over any issues and paperwork related to our court date. They haven't yet secured an affidavit from the Social Welfare Officer, though we're hoping this will be done by the end of the week. That affidavit would take the place of the SWO should he fail to appear at court that day - a strong possibility from what we know and understand. Our lawyer doesn't appear too concerned. He seems to think that our approved home study from an American adoption agency will be credible enough to wow any judge. We can hope!

Please remember that our court date is on Tuesday morning - in Malawi. Here, it will be Monday night. I'll let you know what time it will take place as soon as I hear from Dustin. (The phone lines have been giving us a lot of trouble lately.)

***

Here are two new photos of my boys:

Now that's what I'm talking about!

2008-08-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

8/26 Text message from Dustin, sent at 11:22 PM:

We have a court date... Sept. 9

I would like to see those dot, dot, dots replaced by exclamation marks. We have a court date!!! September 9th. Two weeks from yesterday.

Dustin had missed a call from the lawyer's office on Tuesday so he tried calling the office Wednesday morning. No answer. Just after he called, our nun friend Sister Mary phoned in. She had just spoken with our lawyer who said we were FIXED in the court register for September 9th. This is as solid a court date as we could ask for. Moments later, the lawyer called Dustin personally with the same news. He said that Dustin should come in to do some more paperwork before the big day.

We have a court date!!! September 9th.

This news smacked me in the face when I thought there would be no news for another week. Anxiety pooled up in the in the pit of my stomach. Me, a mother? I could actually have a little child in just a few more weeks? Don't they know I'm not ready?

Adoption just flings us into parenthood. There's no set nine-month warning. It just happens when it happens. I can't even imagine our transition. Hi husband I haven't seen in 73 days (also known as 10.4 weeks). Hi little child who is suddenly my son. Goodnight husband who is exhausted from 48 hours of travel with an infant (and months of grief and depression). Goodnight son... I mean Good morning? His little biological clock will be spinning around. He'll be in a new country with new smells and a new bed with an almost-new woman by his side. How curious those eyes will be.

It's interesting. It's usually the mother who is exhausted from the physical pain of birth. Though we'll both undoubtedly be exhausted (and already are!), Dustin is the one who will be completely drained. I wish there was a way to give him more support now.

Actually, Dustin did have a little mini recharge. He and our American and Italian friends (3 of them) went to the national park for two nights. They stayed at a rustic little place there where one falls asleep listening to the sounds of hippos and warthogs grunting. It's a place where one carries a lantern up a hill to a tent, escorted by armed guards ready to take out any attacking wild beasts. It's a place where one sits out on a wooden deck watching the fireflies turn off and on, off and on in the vines and the brush surrounding the little niche known as Chinguni Lodge. It's a place where Dustin was able to rest. And see elephants! I am so jealous. They didn't come out for me when we went there together before. This time, Dustin and our friends explored the park via truck and almost ran right into a mama elephant. They had to make a quick getaway!

Oh the adventures...

Oh the adventures!!!

Pray for a September 9th court date. This should be the only court date. The day when the judge hears our pleas, sees little Moses, and agrees with our witnesses that this child is an orphan who needs a home like ours. Let's pack the next two weeks with positive thinking and prayer.

On recess until September

2008-08-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

As you guessed, the court date didn't happen on Friday. Our lawyer was being very optimistic. Translation: He wasn't exactly telling the truth. But then again, he's a lawyer.

Apparently the judges are on recess until the "beginning" of September. This could mean the 1st, or the 15th, or later... Time will tell. When we first rescheduled Dustin's September 23rd return date it seemed so far away. Now the time frame feels claustrophobic.

The lawyer's assistant told Dustin that she would probably want him to come to the city on Tuesday to sign some more papers. If this happens, it will likely be the only "event" until the beginning of September (which is much nearer now than it was several days ago when we received the news).

Meanwhile Moses continues to grow and develop. He'll be eight months old on the 1st. It's hard to believe he was five (going on six) months old when we met him. It's not easy being away from him during this very fun stage of development (it'd be hard even if he wasn't developing at all) but it's nice that Dustin is able to visit daily. As our rental car is becoming much too expensive, we thought Dustin would have to forgo his regular trips to the orphanage. But an unexpected gift gave us enough for one more week, and a potential gift may take us a little further. (Thank you!)

Dustin and I knew this adoption would be difficult. I said on my very first post that we knew we were possibly setting ourselves up for deep grief. We "knew" that... And we didn't. And I'm glad we didn't. I'm glad that when we started our nonprofit Bola Moyo we had no idea how hard it would be working in a place and culture like Malawi. (You're getting a little taste via this blog.) When we over think and over analyze we often become paralyzed. Sometimes we just have to jump in. Take life by the horns. Then see what happens. This is the stuff of interesting stories. This is why you're reading my blog. (Or maybe it's just because you love me and Dustin! Insert toothy grin here.)

Either way, here's to all of our stories!

Would you be surprised if I told you we were still waiting?

2008-08-20T19:48:00.001-07:00

The lawyer never called to confirm our court date. He said he would call on Friday (last week) or by Monday at the latest. As of Wednesday night there was no word. Neither he nor his assistant have returned Dustin's calls and text messages. We can't even get a hold of our nun friend...

So, maybe we're going to court on Friday. Maybe not. I guess we won't really know until the end of the day on Thursday (or maybe even Friday morning). Dustin is under strict orders to text message me at any time of day or night when he has news. I'll pass it along as soon as I know something.

Courtdate, is that you?

2008-08-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

8/15 Text Message from Dustin - Received at 3:30 this morning:

[Lawyer] will confirm today but it sounds like we are in the court register for next Friday. He explained that it is still tentative. We'll see. I guess.

Oh dear Courtdate, where art thee?

2008-08-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

There's not a lot to report but since a lot of you are asking me what's happening I feel it warrants a post. This doesn't mean you have to stop asking though. :) The lawyer was supposed to get our court date on Monday. He could not be reached by phone on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. Dustin did, however, reach his assistant on Thursday. She asked him to drive to Blantyre (again) to sign the adoption petition. What this basically means is... that the lawyer hasn't even applied for the date yet. The petition is the most basic of adoption documents. Dustin had already signed the petition on my behalf (as my power of attorney) but for some reason they didn't have him sign it. We thought that was odd at the time but chalked it up to the fact that Dustin would be present in court so his signature wasn't as necessary in advance. Besides, Dustin had asked the assistant if there were any other documents he needed to sign and she said no. See you at the court date, she and the lawyer chimed.

What court date???

I had to change Dustin's ticket. Again. Is it just me or does every post sound the same? People aren't doing their jobs. We are still waiting. No news. Dustin's return date has been postponed. Blah. Blah. It's becoming quite a boring blog. Maybe if I say something like "this is a boring blog," then something exciting will happen. I'm hoping for exciting, but not too exciting (if you know what I mean). That's actually my fear. Our story wouldn't be nearly interesting enough if it just fizzled out with a simple, ho-hum, sign-on-the-dotted-line, "this child is legally yours" piece of paper. I fear for the grand finale.

Back to Dustin's return date. It's now September 23rd - six weeks from now. If things go fast (I'm not sure if a hearty chuckle or high nervous laugh is best here) then we'll move that date up. If September 23rd becomes October-something -- then I have no idea what we'll do.

Dustin is tired. He's ready to come home. Moses has energy. He has no knowledge of a true home. And here am I. Preparing the home. Waiting for it to be full of the joy and love that live just below the surface of baited breath and poor sleep.

***

Here is a new photo I just received! Moses is growing SO much! And look how happy he and his daddy are together.

This Just In

2008-08-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Text message from Dustin:

Judges are on holiday. Lawyer won't know court date til Monday.

Non-text news:

Dustin thinks Moses will be crawling any day now...

As Expected

2008-08-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

It was a false alarm. There was no court date on Thursday. Dustin went to visit the lawyer on Tuesday and learned that Thursday was only the day that the lawyer was going to the court to GET the court date. (We thought he had done this a looooong time ago...) Our court date may be four weeks away still. Or it may be two. Or one. Or ten! Who knows?

The lawyer was pretty annoyed that Dustin had come to visit him. He and his secretary were very clear that THEY would call US when they had news. They were SUPPOSED to call on Thursday (it's now Friday morning there) with the date, but they didn't. Does this surprise anyone?

There are so many reasons why we would really like this adoption to go through a bit quicker. Most are obvious so I have no need to state them. One lesser known reason is that the longer this adoption takes, the more it costs. We will have a nearly (if not over) $2000 rental car bill. It would have been about $700 if we had all been able to come home together in July. This is frustrating on many levels. We don't even have a working car in Portland. It's broken and isn't worth fixing. We get around town via the bus. It takes me an hour to get to work and an hour to get home. That $2000+ could buy us a pretty decent car here. It wouldn't go quite as far to buy one in Malawi - it's still cheaper to rent - but that's becoming less and less true each and every day. And no one there understands that this is a concern. We're white. We have tons of money, right? It's crazy, but this adoption is going to cost about the same amount of money as we made last year. That says more about our income and less about the high cost of adoption. Still, it's mind-numbing. Is it shameless to mention that there's a Baby Moses fund?

Hopefully I'll be able to tell you a very certain date very soon. I'm expecting (and simultaneously not expecting) to have one by tomorrow. We have to alter Dustin's return date again... and we're hoping to be able to make a more educated guess this time. Again, thanks for your concern and your phone calls to ask about Moses and how the court date went today. I'm sorry I missed a call or two. And I'm sorry I didn't update you until now. Keep hoping.

Drumroll please

2008-08-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here it is. The moment we've been waiting for... We have a court date for this coming Thursday. But don't crash the cymbals just yet. In Malawi, nothing is as it seems. Nothing is as you expect. We're very excited about this new development but we're simultaneously biting our lips and clenching our teeth. Is it legit? First of all, is there really a court date, or is our lawyer just telling us what we want to hear? Secondly, will our lawyer have all the necessary documents to take to court? Thirdly, will all of the necessary players show up at the court, and will they be truthful? And lastly, will the judge rule in our favor? Sorry to get your hopes up and bring them back to earth all in the same paragraph. Very unfair of me.

Honestly, we're incredibly excited. The possibility of Dustin and Moses coming home in just a few weeks is utterly blissful. While I hold this dream, I can't let my guard down until the very end. Not until Dustin and Moses have cleared customs and immigration in Denver (of all places). And most likely, not until they are both in my arms outside United's terminal at PDX. Not until Moses looks at me with those wide dark eyes, raises his double-decker eyebrows and silently says, "Oh, this is where you've been. I've been wondering why you were fired from the orphanage. You seemed to be doing such a good job." You see, Moses doesn't know us as a mother and father. He's never known either. Dustin and I are simply workers at Nyumba ya Chimwemwe (House of Joy). We get peed on and pooped on and make babies eat their porridge. "That's what mothers are," Margaret said. A thing to get peed on. Hopefully he'll come to know us as something more (even if he does revert as a teenager).

Okay, enough rambling. Thursday we have a court date. My hope and prayer is that this will be moved up to Monday or Tuesday. Please don't give up on this possibility (this may be hard for you, as I bashed Thursday's probability) and continue to pray that we go to court early next week. I believe it can all happen. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky.

If that's not motivational, then I don't know what is.

Moses, 7 months tomorrow

2008-07-31T00:14:00.001-07:00

Okay, I can't take it anymore. I originally said I wouldn't post any photos until the adoption was final... but this photo Dustin sent me is so beautiful (and so uplifting after Moses had been so sick) that I just have to post it.

We continue to need and appreciate your prayers as we trudge forward with this adoption. (I hope we're moving forward, that is.) We're still waiting for a court date - hoping and praying for a day early next week. But as in pregnancy, we have no control over when this baby is "born." Unlike pregnancy, we can't get a C-section if we're past due. Sister Mary says we're in labor now. Our labor pains aren't measured in hours, but in weeks and months. I'm not saying it's more painful (I have nothing to compare it to). It's just different.

If only I had someone to tell me how many centimeters we're at...

Hoping for an August return date

2008-07-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

We are really hoping Dustin and Moses will return in August. Can you believe August is just a few days away? We could really use your prayer energy about this adoption being finalized soon. I don't think I can last much longer than August 14th without our little family being together. Of course, I can... So far, I've been pretty amazed at my (and Dustin's) strength reserves. I think we're going to collapse when this is all over. Collapse and then sleep for a month. Oh wait. We'll have a little baby keeping us up at night.

The reason I started out with the bit about August is that Dustin's not thinking it's likely he'll be home on the 14th. Things aren't moving very quickly in the legal department. Our lawyer (this is the second one - we fired the first guy) is a very wealthy, important man and we've learned that it's best not to push powerful people in Malawi. We want him our side. We have a friend named Sister Mary who is an Italian Catholic nun. She is the founder of the orphanage where Moses lives and she has helped coordinate several adoptions for Italian families. She's the one who recommended we change lawyers. Sister Mary is our liason to the new lawyer. The two have great rapport and are quite jovial together. Sister Mary has been in Malawi for 22 years and she can joke and laugh and sit and speak and be just the way the Malawians joke and laugh and sit and speak and be. She is amazing and she will undoubtedly be an invaluable resource throughout the rest of this process. Sister Mary met with our lawyer last week and followed up with him on Friday. He said that he'll call her with an update on Tuesday. We're all hopeful that the "update" will contain a court date. A court date for later that week.

As for Moses, he's doing well. Dustin says he 100% better. If not 100%, over 100%! Moses spends his days singing now. Dustin seems hopeful for another musician in the family. Moses has been gaining a lot of strength and is able to put weight on his legs and dance around a bit. He's gained some weight back and is at least the size he was before he became sick. Moses is even crying some more: when he's hungry, when he's wet. We're probably the only parents who rejoice when their child cries.

While Dustin endures the long days of waiting, I've been getting the "nest" ready. My parents came up this week and did some work on our house. We installed carpet over some rather funky linoleum and made the space into a play area for Moses. In the process we had to remove the baseboards, which led to sanding, painting, and reinstalling them. This made the rest of the baseboards in the house look terrible... so I spent today painting the rest of them, along with the door and window trim (they all needed to match). I figure I might as well get these projects out of the way now while I still have a few hands free.

Well, I wish I had more exciting stuff to report. Well, there is one exciting thing, I guess. The local SWO who refused to finish our report (and who accused us of possibly not being good parents) is being taken to court by his ex-girlfriend. Apparently she has a new man in her life which made the SWO extremely jealous. Now (according to our sources) whenever he sees her coming back from the market he steals her groceries and physically assaults her. This is the man who is in charge of Moses' "welfare." This is the man who snickered when he said he didn't know if we were "fit parents" because we're sometimes prone to frustration with ridiculous Social Welfare Officers.

All in a day in Malawi.

Not much news

2008-07-21T08:51:00.001-07:00

I'm back in Portland safe and sound. Actually, I've been home for a week and have just neglected this blog. I jumped back into work only a day after arriving home, so I've been tired to say the least.

While I was traveling (and for the first few days after arriving home) I was concerned that Moses may have sustained permanent brain damage due to how severely dehydrated he was. He basically shriveled up like a little raisin and I was convinced he was dying in my arms on our way to the hospital. That may not have been far from the truth. Fortunately, we'll never have to know.

After five days in the hospital he was released back to the orphanage. His body was so weak he could no longer sit up or move his arms around. His eyes lacked life and he was completely listless. Dustin wondered if Moses' high fevers had killed off too many brain cells. Dustin never worries about things like this, so I started worrying about Dustin's worry. All we could do was wait and see if Moses improved. It's taken a week since he was released from the hospital, but Moses has regained his curiosity and personality. He's now smiling again and even laughing. Dustin seems quite proud of the laughs he can now induce in Moses. I think we were being too gentle with him before. Malawians are pretty rough with their babies - which the babies apparently like. I can't wait to hear the raucous laughter.

Meanwhile, it seems that things are moving along in the legal department. Dustin should be talking to the lawyer on the phone today. He plans to go to the city on Tuesday to sign some legal papers for the court. The lawyer thinks he has all of the documents necessary for going to court. As far as the SWO's report goes, we're still in the dark. We haven't spoken to either the local or head SWO in weeks. We're just putting our faith in the lawyer that he can help our case with the Social Welfare or without. Apparently it's a bit difficult to get a court date quickly, as our case has to be seen at the High Court. Even so, we're hopeful that it can all work out smoothly and in time for Dustin and Moses to return in mid-August.

Moses is sick

2008-07-11T03:54:00.001-07:00

Little Moses is sick and in the hospital. He's been vomiting and having severe diarrhea for the last five days. He's grown so dehydrated that he's been admitted to the hospital where they can monitor his fluid intake. Dustin and I drove him to the hospital yesterday and visited again early this morning. We were told he's doing a bit better, but he's still incredibly weak and the diarrhea continues. The nurses believe he has some sort of an intestinal infection. He has lost a lot of weight, not good for an already small baby. I can't even tell you how awful he looks. We're hoping the diarrhea will stop soon and that he'll begin gaining weight and strength.

Dustin and I are now in the capitol city, Lilongwe. I fly out in the morning. It's very hard to leave with our baby in the hospital, but that's the way it has to be. I'll write more after I get back to Portland.

July 8

2008-07-08T03:44:00.001-07:00

Oh Friends,
I don't even know how to begin to describe the events of the past few days. In fact, I think it would take several days to relay all that has happened. I'm writing you from an internet cafe (as opposed to a laptop) so this will be brief.

Basically:
-Our local Social Welfare Officer did not finish his report on the necessary day. He said it would be done by Friday. It wasn't.
-Our local SWO told us we could bring little Moses home with us, to start taking care of him. We went to pick him only to find out the SWO was misinformed. A tragic day.
-The SWO has told us many lies.
-The SWO started blocking our phone calls, refusing to answer. The SWO is never at the office. No way to get a hold of him.
-Dustin and I got annoyed with the SWO and told him he didn't seem to have the welfare of the child in mind. (Wrong move.)
-The SWO refused to finish our report stating that he didn't know if we were "fit to care for a child" due to our impatience toward him. He basically wants to make us desparate so we'll give him a bribe.
-The police finished their investigation and report but refused to hand it over to us. The presence of the SWO (who refused to come) was necessary.
-A long holiday weekend meant there was nothing to do until Monday. Nothing to do but worry.

Today, we left our home at 5 am to pick up Moses at the orphanage and head to Blantyre to meet the Regional SWO, the boss of the one described above. We drove for three hours to meet him. We waited in his office for two hours until he saw us. We explained the situation and were hoping that he would do away with the local report and create his own. The head office called our local SWO and asked him when his report would be finished. He said Friday. Friday = Cara can't go to court. This is frowned upon but there's nothing else we can do. We don't even expect the report to be finished by Friday. The guy is a liar. In fact, he lied to the head boss that the police report wasn't yet ready, when in fact, it is.

What this all means:
I leave Malawi on Saturday. Dustin will have to stay - likely for another 3-4 weeks. The SWO probably won't finish his report by Friday. We'll then have to come back and forth to Blantyre to try to strongarm him to finish. Then we'll go to court and fight for a final adoption. Then Dustin will arrange all of the immigration stuff... Four weeks is optimistic... (Though it could all be done in just a week if people actually did their jobs!)

We are trying to maintain our sanity through it all. Thanks for your prayers.

July 2

2008-07-02T01:38:00.001-07:00

The SWO's report is not yet finished. We are waiting on the police. They opened a case, back in January when Moses A. was born, to search for his birth mother. There is a particular woman in question but she denies she is the mother. The thing is, the police haven't yet closed the case. We can't go to court until they close the case. Our SWO here in Balaka is trying to get them to close it – as simple as the police just saying, "case closed," so we can move on with the adoption. He seems fairly confident that they won't need to continue the search for the parents. (It's not like they're actually searching anyway. They probably did for a day back in January. They didn't "close the case" because there was no need to actually do so).

The SWO came to our home at 7:30 this morning to inspect our house. After viewing mounds of clothes, toys, and a mountain of imported infant formula, he said we seemed to be very prepared for a child. The SWO has the power to decide when Moses A. can come home with us. He thinks he will give us permission by the end of the week. He would prefer for the police report to be finalized before this happens.

So… we are still waiting.

Meanwhile, we've asked our lawyer to try to secure a court date without the police and SWO reports. It can't hurt to try. The reason we're trying to rush things is so I can also appear before court. My presence doesn't seem to be mandatory, though it would be beneficial. It's looking less likely that we'll all come home together… but you never know. The tricky thing is, we need to change Dustin's ticket if he's to come home at a later date. And we'll just have to guess when things will be finished up. Hopefully we'll be given a court date soon so we can make a more informed guess.

July 1

2008-07-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

I guess it's been over a week since I last wrote. The days truly are flying by. I'm only here for 11 more.

There is, unfortunately, not much to report on Moses Khumbo. The Social Welfare Officer (SWO) in Blantyre said he would be willing to sit down with Johanna (the birth mother), Margaret, and the grandfather to sort out some of the family issues and hopefully return the child to Balaka. We offered to support Johanna with school fees and she agreed to start classes a week ago. The idea was that Margaret could act as a mother to Johanna and a grandmother to Khumbo – and they could all live here together for the time being. The SWO agreed that the baby is not safe with his grandfather and that the child should be returned to Balaka. Even so, he said it would be easier to do that if Johanna showed she was getting her life back in order.

Over a week has passed without seeing Johanna. She never reported for school. Never came to our place. We've been going to her house to try to find her, to no avail. We just heard yesterday that some of Johanna's "friends" are upset that she wasn't arrested for abandoning the baby way back when. Another mutual "friend" was given three years in prison for doing exactly what Johanna did. I'm not sure why they are trying to make this sad girl's life even more miserable, but these young women have been influencing the police to arrest Johanna. She is apparently in hiding. We're not even sure if she's in Balaka. She may have left town. She has no phone number. No address. We have no way to contact her.

We have made several trips to Blantyre in the past week or so. Each time, we pass the very house in which Moses Khumbo is staying with his grandfather. The child I never got to meet is right inside.

I'm having trouble remembering exactly what I wrote in my last post, so I'm sorry if I repeat information. I know I introduced Moses Alinafe and our hope to adopt him. (By the way, Alinafe means "God is with us." It's pronounced All-lee-nah-fay.) We have visited him at the orphanage every day for the past 12 days. Each time we spend about two hours with him. We look forward to the day when we don't have to drive for 45 minutes to see him. Moses Alinafe cracks me up. Every time I think about his serious little face and pouty lips, I laugh out loud. He is very stoic, very observant, quite curious. It takes him some time, each time, to warm up to us. He's not used to being held and played with – though he now seems content to soak up our attention. After about 30 minutes together, we can get plenty of smiles out of him. When we leave him, he now cries a little – a great breakthrough for a child who never cries.

Our lawyer has filed an adoption petition with the high court. The court also granted the SWO in Blantyre to be the child's "guardian ad litem." Since Moses A. has no known parents, the SWO will act as his guardian. We are now waiting for a SWO here in Balaka to create a report for the court. We were supposed to meet him last Tuesday, but he decided to go out of town (and not tell us). We finally met yesterday (Monday) for the first time. (So yes, on Tues, Wed, Thurs, and Fri we had nothing to do but wait.) The SWO accompanied us to the orphanage and took notes on Moses A.'s situation. He tried to contact the police officers who originally dealt with the case back in January, when Moses was born. They said they were "not yet prepared to give any information." This probably means that they can't find the file. Supposedly they will call with the information today. We hope and pray they find the report. If they can't, they will likely have to conduct a new search for the baby's relatives – which could take a long time and possibly yield another grandfather who claims he had no knowledge of the child before now.

Our lawyer says it's imperative for the SWO to finish the report today, if we are to go to court in the next week or so. Apparently we can't schedule a court date without that report in hand. So the next hope is to get a court date for early next week. IF we get a court date for Tuesday or Wednesday… AND the court grants a final adoption order (meaning no foster period)… THEN it's POSSIBLE that we could all leave on July 12^th as planned. It's a long shot… but we've seen plenty of miracles in the past.

The SWO in Blantyre (Moses A.'s guardian) plans to recommend that the court grant us a final adoption order. This is excellent news. Of course, it's all up to the judge, but it's likely that we won't have to go through a lengthy foster process prior to an adoption. That's our hope anyway.

Once we get a final adoption order, there's still much to do before we leave the country. We have to get the child a birth certificate and passport. He has to have a medical evaluation at the embassy. And we have to file: an affidavit of support, a vaccine waiver, a petition for the child to come to the States, and a visa application, etc. This will all take several days, if not a week.

There's much to do, but right now all we can do is wait. I'm not very good at waiting.

I'll write again when we have more to report.

June 23

2008-06-23T02:05:00.001-07:00

Hi Friends, I composed this post several days ago via our laptop and
am now finally in a position to post it. I wrote this the day after
Operation Exodus. I've added a few small updates at the bottom:

Thank you all for your prayers and support. I can certainly feel your
love and care from 10,000 miles away. In the midst of this crazy
story, I feel peace. That peace coexists with sadness, confusion,
bewilderment, anger [insert other adjectives here], but there is peace
(very deep down) nonetheless. My mind runs wild with various endings
(or should I say, beginnings) to this story, yet I know that whatever
the outcome, it is the right story.

I will attempt to fill you in on the last 24 hours. Yesterday Johanna
came to the house around 12:30 pm. She filled in the details of what
happened when she tried to bring Moses back. She entered the
grandfather's house to find Moses sitting alone on a chair in the
living room, playing with CDs (and playing near potentially dangerous
cords and wires). She picked him up, when her step-cousin (a
high-school aged girl) entered the room. What are you doing, she
asked. I'm taking my baby, Johanna exclaimed. Johanna ran out of the
house with Moses in her arms. Her cousin called the police. Johanna
ran to meet Dalitso on the road. The first minibus stopped a long ways
up the road, and it would have been a long run to reach it. She saw
another one coming. Let's get that one, she said. Johanna, Moses, and
Dalitso entered the bus and were waiting for it to go when some
plain-clothes policemen with handcuffs ordered Johanna off the bus.
Somewhere in this scenario, the women came and helped drag her and
Moses off to the police station (not the house, like we had thought).
Now, in any other situation, police would never respond that quickly.
It just so happens that the grandfather's house is located on a
compound of sorts where many other police officers live. It was very
simple for the cousin to call a neighbor to help out – which is likely
why they weren't wearing uniforms.

Johanna's father and step-mother met them at the station. The
step-mother (who Johanna says hates her) actually advocated for the
grandfather to return the baby. This girl will bring witchcraft on the
house if you don't, she said. She also complained that her niece
couldn't go to school because she was so busy taking care of Moses.
The grandfather wouldn't listen and, once again, snatched Moses from
his mother's arms and left. The police stood idly by.

Johanna was released and eventually caught a bus on its way to
Lilongwe. She convinced the driver that a friend (a policeman) at a
road block could pay for her ticket. He did, and she made it home late
that night.

Margaret has gone to the chief again as well as to the local
magistrate. They both believe she and Johanna have a case against the
grandfather. She has to make a few more phone calls, but plans to file
a case on Monday with the help of a government-issued lawyer. The
Social Welfare Officer has said that he's willing to go to bat for us.
Meanwhile, the birth mother Johanna seems to want to get her life back
in order, and says that she would be willing to go back to school. We
are encouraging her to do so, but know that it will be very difficult
to change her ways.

We are holding out hope that Moses will be returned to our home in the
coming weeks. Johanna still desires us to adopt Moses but, given the
circumstances, this may take a very long time. We are willing to fight
long and hard – but we can't be involved in this first court case
between Margaret, Johanna, and the grandfather. For an adoption to
take place, the court will have to rule that the grandfather has no
say whatsoever over the child's life.

So per my last post, we're keeping our hearts and minds open to the
divine. As our priest friend said, "God's ways are not our ways."

*********

The latest is that Margaret will not likely be taking the grandfather
to court. I personally phoned the grandfather and had a surprisingly
civil conversation with him (surprising on both of our sides). Well
maybe "civil" isn't exactly the best word. We didn't yell. He did
however threaten to take us to court for "child trafficking." Of
course, he wouldn't have a case and would only try to pursue such an
absurd idea if we continued to press him. And so we won't.

He told me this chapter is closed. And he hung up on me. There are
plenty of other colorful details I could post for you, but I'm tired.

We are currently in Blantyre for the afternoon. We came to meet with
the Social Welfare Officer as well as our future lawyer. Why the
lawyer, you ask, considering this "chapter is closed"? Well... though
it was a very difficult thing to consider, Dustin and I decided to go
to a local orphanage and see if there was another child awaiting
adoption. From the start, we've told each other than if something
didn't work out with Moses Khumbo, we would try to find another child.
This particular orphanage is just a 45 minute drive from our home.
It's run by Italian Catholics. We didn't like the idea of "baby
shopping" so we decided that we wouldn't try to find a child, we would
just let him or her find us. As Margaret said in the car, "Our Moses
will find us."

When we arrived, the sister saw us whites and said to Margaret, "Afuna
mwana?" They want a child? Eh, we all said. Yes. Out of the 30 young
children, she said only was was eligible. He's a young boy, 6 months
old. She took us to see him. He just looked at us out of large, wide
eyes. The sister put him in my arms as I asked what his name was. His
name is Moses, she said.

It's a good thing I had a strong grasp on that child or he might have
fallen to the floor. Moses? Yes, you know, from the Bible. This Moses
has spent his entire young life in the orphanage. I spent the rest of
the day saying, "This is very strange. This is a very strange day."

We have visited the new Moses, or Moses Alinafe (as we're calling
him), every day since. The women who work at the orphanage are calling
us "mayi" and "bambo" (mother and father). It's very hard to enter
into another potentially devastating process... but hey, this is life.
Sometimes life is devastating. It's a little easier to say that now
that I've gone a few hours without tears in my eyes. As hard as it is,
we both have love to share with a child. And this little Moses needs a
family so much. He never even cries (likely because of his
circumstances at birth), and because of that the women at the
orphanage rarely hold him. The loud ones get the attention. We've seen
him come alive in the hours we've spent with him. This solemn,
wide-eyed little boy talked to us (as much as babies can) and laughed
with us. He's starting to come out of his shell. We hate having to
leave him at the orphanage each night, but we can't take him home
until the Mother Superior returns from Italy (in early July). We're
hoping they will give us special permission to take him sooner.

As expected, the adoption process is very confusing. The SWO tells us
one thing. The lawyer another. The lawyer seems to think the entire
adoption process could take between 3-5 months. (The SWO says 2
years.) We vote for the lawyer! Even if it does take 2 years, he would
still be able to come home to America with us. The difficult thing is
that relatives could come out of the woodwork at any time and demand
we give them back the child. Even at the end of a two year period,
that could happen. So, we're hoping for a quick process.

We appreciate your continued prayers for Moses Khumbo, for his
well-being. And thank you for holding us up as we've endured the (so
far) most difficult week of our lives. We will continue to keep you
posted on both children, and hope to have happy news on both sides.

I've been rushing this post, so hopefully I'm making sense. I have to
run. Talk to you all soon. I want you to know that I'm reading each of
your emails and feel bad that I can't reply to them individually.

Much love,
Cara

No Title Could Sum This Up

2008-06-19T01:13:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends,

This is a very difficult post to write, due to how deeply emotional the experiences of the last few days have been and also due to the complexity of the situation. I will try my best.

On my last flight from Lusaka to Lilongwe, my stomach was in knots. As we landed my heart started beating so fast. I strategically placed myself on the bus that took us from the plane to the airport, so I could be the first person in line at immigration. I was the second. As I hadn't checked any luggage, I was able to race through customs to be the very first person to exit the airport. I wanted no delay in seeing my baby!

I quickly scanned the crowd awaiting the passengers. No Dustin. No Margaret. No Moses. I ran upstairs. No one. I ran outside. No one. I convinced someone to let me use his phone and I called Dustin. His brother John answered (apparently I had been confused about what day he was leaving Malawi). Where are you guys, I asked. We're on our way, we'll be there soon, he said. Well hurry, I want to see Moses!

I waited outside the airport in the warm sun, waiting, and watching every car (there weren't many). I waited for 30 minutes. When Dustin did arrive, he parked instead of swinging by and just picking me up at the airport door. I grabbed my bags and hurried toward him. He was looking very tan and slim. He grinned at me in a sheepish, awkward way which I believed was due to his tardiness. We hugged and then he said he had some bad news. From the look on his face my mind immediately went to "Moses has died." He quickly said that Moses had been kidnapped by his grandfather just the day before. I broke down. I almost fell to the ground. Over the next few hours on our way to Balaka, Dustin shared the story.

Dustin, Margaret, Johanna (the birth mother) and Moses had all travelled together to Blantyre to visit the grandfather – to discuss his feelings on the child. Please remember that three months ago, when Moses was almost dead from starvation, the grandfather said he didn't care and wanted nothing to do with the child. He said this not only to Margaret, but to Johanna's friends (who had called him weeks before Margaret found the baby, to tell him his daughter was harming the child). They first dropped off Johanna to speak with him herself. After some time, Johanna called the others to come and chat with him. I don't have the time or energy to share all the details (plus I only know the few pieces that were relayed to me), but I can tell you that things got real ugly real fast. For the first 5 minutes or so the grandfather ignored them all, just playing solitare on his computer. Then he told Dustin that he was "disturbing him." Dustin said he hadn't come to disturb but to discuss the baby's future. I don't know exactly what happened next, but I know that it ended with the grandfather grabbing his own daughter's neck and shoving her outside, saying he had disowned her and that if she wanted to be involved with us whites then we were now responsible for her, that we would pay for her funeral. Now everyone was outside the house, standing just outside the gate. Margaret told Johanna to take Moses and walk down the road, that they would pick her up in a few minutes. She started off while Dustin and Margaret finished up with the grandfather. For whatever reason, Johanna turned back. And when she reached the house, the grandfather (at an opportune moment when Dustin was on the phone with Social Welfare and the others were discussing what to do next) grabbed Moses from his birth mother's arms, ran inside his house, and locked the door.

No one knew what to do. Johanna just wept and continued to do so for the next 18 hours. I knew her relationship with her father was estranged but I had no idea the extent of it. Apparently, months ago, she had said that she would rather have Moses die with her at home than let her father take care of him. Those are some harsh words. Harsh words for a harsh man.

So the group travelled back to Balaka, without Moses. The house was the most sullen place you could imagine, Dustin said. Everyone was quiet. Everyone was crying. Johanna stayed at our house that night. The following morning, Dustin drove the 3-4 hours to get me from the airport. He was confused about what day I was arriving (long story), which is why he was late. We dropped his brother John off at a local parish, where he would spend the night before flying out the following day. Dustin and I made the long trek back to Balaka. We called for Johanna to come the next morning. We all cried ourselves to sleep and cried ourselves awake.

The next morning, we had breakfast with the chief of our village. He and Margaret then went to the Balaka police to report what had happened. The pollice claimed they would call the grandfather. Now, remember, the grandfather himself is a policeman, and he's much higher ranking than anyone here in Balaka. Margaret says they are all afraid of him because he's in the 'special forces.' We knew that not much would come of this report.

We waited and waited all morning for Johanna to show. She finally arrived around noon. Margaret asked her what she wanted to do. With tears streaming down her face, she said she wanted to go and take Moses back – that he should be here in Balaka with all of us. I won't tell you all the details at this point, for legal reasons, but I'll say that we embarked on what is now known as "Operation Exodus." Johanna went to the house when she knew her father was at work. Her cousin (I believe?) was there watching Moses. Johanna took Moses from her and hurried out to the street to catch a minibus. Our friend Dalitso was there waiting for her, to help her make her getaway. She was standing there with Moses in her arms, about to board the bus, with Dalitso there helping her… and for whatever reason, she hesitated. She said, No, let's get the next bus. Meanwhile, some women at the local telephone bureau, friends and neighbors of the grandfather, saw her escaping with the child, they ambushed her, stole Moses from her arms and dragged them both back to the house. Dalitso, having already boarded the next bus which was leaving as this was going on, had no choice but to return to us and relay what had happened.

We don't know all of the details of what happened at the house. We know that Johanna's father was summoned home from work. We assume he beat her. We know he had his own daughter arrested for "stealing" her own child. He is the thief! He stole the child from the mother's own arms! So she was arrested and later released. But the police did not demand the grandfather give back her child. (On a side note, everyone here in Balaka – the police, Social Welfare, Victim's Support Unit – everyone says that he must return the child to his mother. But this man is above the law.) The Social Welfare Officer (SWO) in Blantyre said the grandfather can have no claim on the child if it's against the mother's wishes. If this were happening in America, the grandpa would be on the evening news. Has anyone seen this man?

After the police released her, Johanna was stranded. It was night now and she had no money (Dalitso was holding their travel money) to get home. She phoned us and we arranged for her to stay with someone who would bring her back to Balaka in the morning. We assume she is now here in Balaka. We are just waiting to hear from her.

Last night, the house was in tears. I was sobbing and shouting. Dustin cried like I've never seen before. Margaret held tears of anger and sorrow. Dalitso was crying, upset that he had held Moses in his arms that day but had failed to get him home. And poor little Fatsani (Margaret's young nephew) cried and cried (Dustin said Moses just loved him and would laugh every time he saw him). Fatsani said he wished the grandfather would just die. He's an old man, why can't he just die?

Last night, it began to feel like we were really losing Moses. Not just me and Dustin, but Margaret, Dalitso, Johanna, Fatsani, the chief… Our friend in Portland has said that she felt Moses was "for the community." That couldn't be more true. He has been deeply loved by all those around him. And everyone we know is deeply grieving. We know (from phone conversations) that Moses has cried ever since he's been with "those people." He has a high fever and is sick. The cousin told Margaret that she was going to take him for vaccinations. The thing is, they don't have his health record there. I made Margaret call her back and say that they COULD NOT give him any more vaccinations until they had record of what he had already been given.

It no longer looks like we will be adopting Moses. And I say that with a heavy heart and tearful eyes. This story is no longer about us adopting Moses. It's now about making sure Moses is safe and well cared for. Everyone involved knows that he will neither be safe nor well cared for with the grandfather. Someone who has a cruel enough heart to (months ago) disown his grandson and leave him for dead, disown his daughter, choke her, and have her arrested – is not fit to care for anyone. The man, we've learned, even left his wife on her deathbed to travel to Northern Malawi for a few weeks. She died of tuberculosis, alone, in the hospital. He came back just in time to bury her.

The grandpa is a Tumbuka (tribe). The southerners here believe that Tumbukas (from the north) are mean, nasty people. Whenever we tell people that the grandfather is a Tumbuka – they tssk and shake their heads and know that we're in for real trouble.

So where does this all leave us? Margaret and Johanna are taking the grandfather to court – to return the child back here to Balaka. This will likely take a long time. Longer than the 3.5 weeks I have here in Malawi. We know that the grandfather will never give permission for us to adopt the child. There is now no question about that. We are at least hoping that either Margaret or Johanna will maintain custody of Moses. It's our hope that Johanna will accept to live with Margaret and that together they will care for the child.

Where does this leave me and Dustin? Besides completely broken-hearted (which we knew and accepted as a strong possibility)… We sense that there's a greater plan at work. We think that there's another child waiting for us. One with no mother and no father and no grandfather. One staying at an orphanage. It's very hard to accept that the storyline may be shifting. And it's almost impossible to think about another child. But the fact is we came here for two reasons: (1) To make sure Moses was cared for. (2) To adopt a child. We originally believed the answer to those two things came in one package. But we recognize that we may do both, separately, and that that is okay.

I'm sorry to deliver this story with so little emotion. I honestly can't handle writing about this any more deeply at this time. So here we are. And here the story continues…

tragic news-Moses kidnapped

2008-06-17T05:46:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

Cara called this morning we thought to tell us she arrived safely. She said she had tragic news....Moses has been kidnapped by his grandfather. Dustin, Margaret and the birth mother went to meet with the grandfather. He was very hostile to his daughter, shoved her, grabbed Moses and ran into his house and locked the door. They went to the SWO but have not been able to do anything to get Moses back. The grandfather is a police officer and it appears not very kind. Dustin and Cara fear for Moses's safety. Please pray. I'll post more as information becomes available.

Cara's mom (Cindy)

Here I Come!

2008-06-14T23:22:00.001-07:00

It's Saturday night. I leave tomorrow afternoon at 1:30, though I'll be at the airport long before. First I head to Denver, then London, on to Nairobi, finally arriving in Lilongwe, Malawi. I still have a few tasks to wrap up before I head out, but I'm feeling fairly stress-free - about my tasks, that is. Truly, I just realized tonight how utterly terrified I am of simultaneously loving and losing Moses. It's possible that this is just a stint at motherhood. A practice round. Four short weeks. My gut tells me this isn't the case, that Moses will come "home" to Portland. But there's a chance that, well....

I arrive in Malawi on Tuesday, June 17th. We plan to head straight to Balaka (via our rental car). Moses, of course, doesn't have a car seat. That makes me nervous - but I guess that's the way things were here for years and years. At the same time I'm glad that I'll be able to hold him for those hours in the car, without any straps or buckles to get in the way.

My friend has a magnet on her fridge. It's an African man in traditional garb holding his infant son. It says, "When a child is born, a father is born." That's not necessarily true in our case. Moses was born on October 17. I have a feeling that I'll be "born" in just a few short days.

I plan to continue posting on this blog whenever possible. I probably won't be sending out e-mail updates, so if you want to stay tuned, check back here regularly. Thank you all for your support and prayers. We greatly appreciate them. Tsalani bwino. Stay well.

Text Message from Dustin

2008-06-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

No news. Dominic went to Mangochi and they couldn't meet. Possibly tomorrow. Sorry.

(Dominic is the SWO, or Social Welfare Officer)

Moses Moses Everywhere But Not a Cheek to Kiss

2008-06-10T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today I received some new Moses photos in the mail. They are a hoot! There's Moses with his shirt off, Moses the elf, rapper Moses in his too tight overalls, thumbs up Moses, and my hand tastes good Moses. There's a Moses for every day of the week.

I look forward to meeting real, tangible, huggable Moses...which I will do exactly one week from today. (I'm writing around midnight.)

Now the news from Lake Wobegone. I mean Malawi. Dustin decided to rent a car, as we'll likely have a number of trips to make to and from the city. I called him this morning, while he was driving, to hear the update on the meeting with the grandfather. Before Dustin could tell me much, I heard a Malawian's voice, as though Dustin were going through one of the many checkpoints along the road. Dustin said he'd have to call me back. About an hour later I learned that Dustin had been pulled over by the police (on his first day on the road). He learned something we have not come across in all our years in Malawi: it is illegal to drive while talking on a cell phone. Yes friends, it's true. Dustin's driver's license was taken away and he was told to report to court the following morning at 7:30 am.

Fortunately Margaret's nephew is also a policeman. He was able to pull some strings and convinced the officer to "settle things out of court." I think you know what that means... Okay, I'll spell it for you. B R I B E .

Dustin told me more about the SWO's meeting with Moses' Malawian grandfather. He said the grandfather "is proving to be uncooperative." The SWO set up another meeting with him for Wednesday morning. So we basically have no news. Dustin said it well. "We're in a holding pattern." We're not sure all of the emotions and reasoning contributing to the grandfather's lack of cooperation. Though I suspect a lot of it is pride and shame. He knew that his grandson was living in terrible conditions (he knew because Margaret told him) and he made no move to try to help him. In fact, he said and I quote, "Just take the child." He conveyed to the SWO that he was upset that the Balaka police did not try to get a hold of him about the child. (The grandfather is a policeman in Blantyre.) It seems like his reputation may be on the line a bit. He certainly did not make any move to care for the child once Margaret informed him of the baby's poor health and temporary abandonment.

Though this may all sound a bit doom and gloom, Dustin and I don't see it that way. We are both impressed with the way the SWO is advocating on the behalf of Moses, as well as ourselves. Even his language about the grandfather being "uncooperative" is telling about how he sees the situation. He wants Moses to be well cared for. If the grandfather is willing to give that care, the SWO will surely know on Wed. If not, then he seems like he's ready to go to bat for us.

Also, this just in: The police officer who pulled Dustin over has dropped the issue. Dustin and John are instead going to take him to our favorite little joint, Mlambe Motel, for a few drinks and a round of pool. This is Malawi.

On My Way!

2008-06-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends,
I'll be heading to Malawi a week from Sunday: June 15th. I've rebooked a return ticket for Dustin and we both hope to be home in Portland on July 13th with a cuddly little somebody. That's our hope anyway.

Here's the latest adoption update. There's been some difficulty getting a hold of Moses' grandfather. The SWO (I hope you know the acronym now) finally talked to him today and set up an appointment to meet him on Monday morning. Basically, the SWO just needs to hear the grandfather say that he will consent to an adoption. If he does not give consent, then he also has to be willing to take Moses in and care for him. We're pretty sure he doesn't want to do that - given what he told Margaret two months ago. Even so, this has turned into a somewhat lengthy formality. Still, it's better to know the grandfather's feelings right now, up front, before things move forward.

Beyond that, there's not much more to report. Dustin and his brother John have decided to take a mini vacation this weekend to Cape Maclear on Lake Malawi. It's a fun little backpacker's place where you can kayak, snorkel, and watch the fishermen. Margaret is watching Moses while these two brothers take a few days to recharge and get ready for the long week(s) ahead.

I'm very excited about my trip and can't wait to arrive. It's funny, but I say that every trip will be my "last trip," for a while at least. And every time, I end up back there just a few months down the road. I jokingly told Margaret that she only found the baby as a ploy to get to see me sooner! Margaret is family to us. I love spending time with her, chatting with her, learning from her. Those few of you who have met her know (John, Desirée, Liz). She has so much to give and share. Now she is sharing a baby with us.

Hallelujah

2008-06-03T23:49:00.000-07:00

Our prayers have been answered. Just moments ago, Dustin met with a very kind and compassionate Social Welfare Officer. It turns out he DID think we were other people. Dustin cleared that up and told him our full story. The first step is for the grandfather of Moses to give his consent to an adoption. He would basically have to co-sign a letter with the birth mother, relinquishing the child for adoption and emigration. The SWO plans to call him today and discuss the situation. I'm a little nervous because I don't know how much the mother has communicated with her father (Moses' only other known living relative). I hope he's not taken by surprise. As far as I know, she last talked to him two months ago. A lot can change in two months.

We're taking things step by step. Dustin did an excellent job "buttering up" the official. I don't mean that to sound as awful as it does. Dustin said that we wanted to play by the rules, do everything according to proper procedures, and not rush the system. I can just imagine the smile on the officer's face. He really likes rules.

We will wait to hear about the conversation with the grandfather before moving forward. Dustin told the SWO that his return ticket to America was in a few weeks. He seemed to nod as if to say, "I think we can try to make that work." I guess anything is possible.

Just to mix things up a little bit, I've decided it's time for me to go over. I'm going to buy myself a ticket tomorrow for these dates: June 15 - July 9th. It's high time I meet this little man. Of course this would mean that we're not coming back on June 19th - Dustin's original return date. But even if adoption proceedings could go that quickly, it will still take a few weeks for immigration approval etc.

This is my understanding of our next steps:
-Talk to the grandfather and have him sign a joint letter with the birth mother
-Have a home inspection by the local SWO in our town, Balaka

Once these steps are done, I believe we'll be looking at lawyers and court dates etc. Dustin didn't want to jump the gun and start pushing for more details. The SWO wants us to take things step by step and so we will.

I'm going to try to rebook Dustin a return ticket for July 9th (same as me). We'll just move forward in faith that the timing will work out.

Material Girl in a Make-Believe World

2008-06-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

“There is nothing controversial about the adoption. There is just a lot of bureaucracy and administration and papers that have to be gone through. This adoption was the beginning of the creation of adoption laws in Malawi. Up until this time there were no adoption laws in Malawi."

-Madonna

I have, on my lap, a copy of the Law of Malawi, Adoption of Children Act. Chapter 26. Section 1. Created in 1949. Last revised in 1968. Where does she come off?

As most of you know, I hate talking and thinking about Madonna (did you know Malawi made her an honorary citizen for that day of work she did last year?). Even so, she came across my radar today while I was searching for some info online. And guess what? We have her lawyer's name. Why not? Dustin hasn't been able to get a hold of the other lawyer who comes recommended. We at least know Madonna's guy gets the job done! Wouldn't that be such a hoot - using the same lawyer as Madonna. We'll see what happens. I forwarded Dustin his phone number. Maybe they can chat today!

To Be Expected

2008-06-03T06:20:00.001-07:00

Dustin did not meet with the Social Welfare Officer (SWO) today. Here is what transpired. The birth mother was supposed to have dinner with everyone on Monday night (the third night in a row). They were to talk about going to Blantyre and sort out any kinks in how they were going to chat with the officials there. The birth mother never showed up for dinner. As such, she didn't know what time to arrive the next morning for going to Blantyre.

I talked to a somewhat frustrated Dustin last night, who decided to wait until 8 am at the latest to leave for the city. This morning I talked to him. The birth mother had not shown up, so the others left without her. The crew arrived in the city at 10 am. They immediately went to the SW office. Our man was not there. Dustin tried calling him. He was in a meeting. He said, "Call back in 30 minutes." He did. Then the SWO said, "Call back in 30 minutes." And he did again, and again, and again. Each time the SWO seemed very annoyed that Dustin was once again calling, and yet again said, "Call back in 30 minutes." The grouchy SWO told Dustin to just brief another SWO (lower on the totem pole) who could, in turn, inform him of our situation. Dustin went to the office and everyone was gone- either at a funeral or attending to the Malawi/South Africa fiasco.

The plan now, is to meet the SWO at 8 am (sharp, he said) tomorrow. The birth mother finally came by the house in Balaka and will be traveling to join our motley crew for this meeting. Dustin's sounding pretty negative about it. His words: "The Social Welfare Officer is treating me like shit." This is what we expected from our past interactions from him. But, still, we didn't want to project that past negativity onto the present situation. I'm having an easier time with that than Dustin. The 10,000 mile distance is good for something (if only one thing).

One reason he could be treating us like shit is... he has our story confused with someone elses. On their last phone call together, the SWO told Dustin, "I talked to your wife 10 minutes ago and she said you could meet me on Thursday." All whites look and sound alike. I did not call him at all. There could be another family in a similar situation that is causing the grumpiness (or contributing to it, I should say).

SO... Pray hard that his little heart of ice melts. That he can hear our story. That he has the best interest of Moses in mind. That the birth mother arrives in time. That the lawyer will actually answer his phone. That Dustin simmers down. And that Moses sits still for the meeting (a great feat, apparently).

When I was chatting with Dustin, he was walking up and down the aisles of Game (a huge South African box store in the city) to find a new hotplate. He was trying to feed Moses and talk to me at the same time. We had to end our conversation a bit short (and unhappily). I'll let you know more when I do. In the meantime, pray hard.

"Mamamamamamama." -Moses Khumbo

2008-06-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

Moses sounds like a little dare devil. I'm told he's going to be the kind of child who's constantly moving, getting into something, and hurting himself. Dustin says that he's a lot of work. He can't crawl yet but he can scoot. Margaret says he moves "like a snake." Apparently he can get from one side of the room to the other. We have a lot to do to babyproof our house here. He just moves constantly, from sun-up to sun-down. Dustin jokingly said that he's worried Moses will suffer brain damage. He often falls off people's laps and onto his head - on the concrete floors of our house in Malawi.

Dustin is getting to know his role as father. I gather that it's a difficult transition for both him and Margaret. Dustin said that when Moses cries the Malawian women come and take the baby from him, assuming that it's not the father's job to comfort the child. Right now Moses sleeps with Dustin, and spits up on him, and is fed by him. But Margaret is still bathing him and comforting him when he cries. Moses can say "mama." Usually it's "mamamamamamamama." It's the most adorable thing I've ever heard and yet it's bittersweet because I want to hear those words directed toward me. Whatever grief I have in not being there is overcome with gratitude that he does have a woman in his life whom he sees as "mama." Margaret is an amazing woman. And there's nothing that I could ever do or say to convey my appreciation for the way she's taken care of this little boy.

Dustin, John, Moses, Margaret, and Johanna (his birth mother) have an appointment to see the Social Welfare Officer in Blantyre. It takes 2 hours of travel time to get to the city by bus. Plus there are the hours waiting for the bus to fill up... I haven't been keeping up with the news very well, but apparently Malawian immigrants in South Africa are having to flee due to violence. As strange as it may sound, this may affect our adoption. The Social Welfare Dept. is overseeing the return of these victims of violence to Malawi. The officer conveyed that he's going to be very busy in the coming weeks, dealing with this situation. I'm hoping we'll find some hidden blessing in this...

That's all for tonight. I'm looking forward to hearing what comes of the meeting on Tuesday.

Dustin's in Malawi

2008-05-29T23:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've had time to post on this clunky old blog. I really should take the time to update you on the four miracles we witnessed over the past few weeks: 1) Dustin's passport arrived in time for his trip; 2) My lost passport was found, with the help of a saint (or Jesus, for those uncomfortable with the idea of saints pitching in); 3) Our home study report was finished with just days to spare; and 4) Dustin and I were both fingerprinted by the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) in order to gain approval to bring a child home as an American citizen. While these may not sound miraculous, each has it's own story or saga. I may try to write more on these later, if time permits.

Now, however, we have much more exciting things to talk about, like Dustin arriving in Malawi and meeting Moses for the first time. I won't try to describe how Dustin felt in that moment because I hardly know. But I can tell you some details about the little man. He's about the same size as our niece Molly (for those who know her). John (Dustin's brother who is currently in Malawi) says he feels half a pound heavier and looks a little taller. John also says that Moses is very active, more so than his daughter and the other babies we know. He definitely sounds active. He was singing and talking to himself all morning. Dustin said that Moses is very comfortable with him (and John) and is enthralled with all the watches, beards, and glasses these two Americans brought with them. Dustin and John both say he's even cuter in person than in the pictures we have. The word "adorable" came up several times. Also, our child's gots skills. (Yes, I meant to say it like that.) Apparently Moses is very good at mimicking, and can repeat sounds that Dustin makes. Dustin says he's full of personality. He's a pretty mellow, happy kid who can entertain himself quite well. He likes being thrown in the air, sucking his thumb, and taking long walks on the beach. Dustin says he sucks his thumb almost constantly.

Dustin also says that most American mothers would freak out to see their babies crawling in the places where Moses crawls and eating the things Moses puts in his mouth. Apparently Moses spit up on a plastic floor runner at a guesthouse where they are currently staying. When Dustin cleaned it up, the rag turned black. He said it was just nasty. Then Dustin looked over to find Moses chewing on a corner of the same dirty runner. C'est la vie en Malawi!

Dustin, John, Margaret, and Moses are taking a bus to Balaka and should be there by (our) Friday morning. Monday, they plan to head to Blantyre to meet with the Social Welfare Officer who will oversee the foster/adoption process. We hope to have a better sense of the timeframe and details at that point (though we recognize that we probably still won't have a good sense of it even when it's finished.)

It's almost midnight so I really ought to go to bed. Thank you for not judging this blog as a work of art, but rather as a simple medium for me to get thoughts and details out to the masses. Good night!

The Recent Past

2008-05-07T17:47:00.001-07:00

The past few weeks have just been a whirlwind of paperwork, phone calls, and yes, stress. Today we made the biggest payment of our lives to the adoption agency. We also had another unexpectedly large payment. Apparently Dustin had run a red light accidentally back in October and a camera picked it up. The first we heard about it was today when we received a notice that we owed the state a lot of money. They had sent the ticket and payment notices to the wrong address. Thankfully, this error won't affect our credit report, but it does affect Dustin's ability to drive. Because we "failed to pay," the state suspended Dustin's license - unbeknownst to us. If he had been pulled over in the past eight months (for anything), we would have owed thousands as he would have been driving illegally. We have to PAY to un-suspend Dustin's license. It's a very unfortunate situation, and one that we don't have time or energy to fight. So, we paid and will pay.

In other news, Dustin's getting ready for his big trip. He leaves three weeks from yesterday. He's excited and anxious as you can imagine. Moses and Margaret can't wait for him to arrive. (Moses told us so.) In the meantime, we're working on our home study. We are waiting for our social worker to contact us about setting up an interview at our home. Consequently, we are cleaning our home. We're trying to get Dustin a proper visa for Malawi and will be shipping his passport off to Washington tomorrow. Pray that there are no delays and that it arrives back in Portland on time. We're also gathering information about immigration requirements and necessary documents to bring little Moses back, should all work out. It's quite a headache. The immigration office I need to talk to does not have a posted phone number anywhere and their e-mail address isn't working. And this is in America! Think about the fun that awaits in Malawi! :)

We made two important connections in the last week or so. I talked to the baby's birth mother on the phone. She speaks English quite well. I asked her what she wanted for Moses Khumbo's future. "You take the baby," she said. Dustin made the other connection, with our potential Malawian lawyer. He can't state his fees on the phone, nor can he help the process along until Dustin arrives. One thing he said was that it would be "very important" for me to also come to Malawi. Our current plan is to wait until Dustin is there, on the ground. Then we will assess if I can/should/must go too.

To friends, I apologize if I've been bad at responding to emails. There are currently over 100 unread e-mails in my box. I don't have a lot of time at the computer these days, so if you need to contact me, phone is certainly quicker. I'll try to wade through the ol' inbox this weekend.

I'm sure there's much more to write, but I have to run to a meeting. Thank you all for your prayers AND your gifts. We would not have had enough money to pay for our home study without the generosity of several of you. This means the world to us. And someday, I hope it will mean something to you-know-who.

Take care,
Cara

Test Results

2008-04-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

We talked to Margaret this morning, 21 days since Moses took his test. Margaret's voice gave away the answer before her words could. "I have news." Sure enough, all of our beliefs and hopes have been true. He's HIV negative. Alex of Johns Hopkins says so.

I have to run to work, so I don't have time to write more. We are VERY excited! I'll talk about details soon.

Mwina Mawa?

2008-04-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe tomorrow? As our silence has likely already said, we are still waiting... In Malawi, it's always: "Come back tomorrow." The train could have not worked for three years, and yet still the station worker would say "Come back tomorrow." I know this. In my head.

I'm anxious for all of the obvious reasons. One of the not-so-obvious is that we need to put a non-refundable deposit down tomorrow for our adoption home study. This will likely only be necessary (at this time) if the test results are favorable.

It's very difficult to sleep at night. I've asked Margaret to call us immediately, no matter the time of day or night. Each night I think, "Margaret may be calling in an hour or two." It's very hard to settle in. I feel similarly to when Johnny called and said my sister-in-law Katie was going into labor. Who could sleep at a time like that? I knew I could get the call any minute saying it was time for me to come to the hospital to watch my niece be born.

I'm waiting to hear if my son will be born. Into my life. And yet my uterus can't contract to let me know the time is near. A doctor can't see how many centimeters I've dilated. All I can do is wait for "Alex" to call Margaret who will in turn call me and Dustin.

Maybe tomorrow.

Still Waiting

2008-04-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for some time. There has been relatively little news to report. Our contact at Johns Hopkins (where the HIV test took place) is coming to America for two weeks. She won't be able to deliver the news herself. She was very kind to call Margaret and say that a certain man would be calling with the results. It looks like Tuesday or Wednesday will be the day. I would be lying if I said these last few days aren't grueling.

I'll just leave it at that. We'll let you know the results soon.

Moses is a Doll

2008-04-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

Dustin and I expected to wake up Monday morning to a picture of Moses. We did not. We expected Margaret to be in Blantyre. She was not. Apparently she had to go to the police again with the chief and the birth mother. The chief was late and they had to go find the mother. The ordeal took up the entire day. We went to bed last night hopeful that THIS morning would be the morning, and it was!

Margaret had hired a photographer in Balaka to take a photo of Moses, but it came back so dark that she said it wasn't worth sending. Fortunately, she went to a photo studio in the city where they were able to put the image on a CD for her (who knew?). We woke this morning to his little tuft of hair, bright eyes, soft mouth and chubby cheeks! We can't take our eyes off of him. Now when we hear him cry and laugh, we can see his adorable little face.

Margaret said he's gained a bit of weight in the past few weeks. He used to have some mosquito bites on his face and hands. But now he's looking happy and healthy and hunky.

He also went for his HIV test. Margaret signed his name "Moses Khumbo Pattison." The American worker at the clinic met Margaret and walked her through everything step by step. Moses cried for quite some time after his blood was drawn. Margaret said they took quite a bit of blood - not just a little prick as with other tests. We expect to hear the results in two weeks. Ten business days. April 22nd.

Margaret is staying in Blantyre for another day to buy him clothes. It's starting to get cold there at night. Dustin and I also did some shopping of our own: a few onesies and pants and socks for Dustin to deliver in May. (We sent some other items in the mail last week. I almost laughed when the postman said they would arrive in 6-10 days. Time will tell.)

I'd better get going. I have e-mailed the photo to a number of you, but if I've missed anyone, please e-mail me at my Gmail account. It's my first and last name at gmail.com. Talk to you soon!

P.S. The "agogo" of Moses (below) is actually not his real grandma, but is in fact Margaret. Sorry if I confused anyone. In Malawi, any older woman is one's "grandmother" and every woman is one's "mayi" or "mother." What a beautiful world!

Agogo of Moses (Grandmother)

2008-04-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

I Don't Know What to Title This One

2008-04-04T16:00:00.000-07:00

The phone lines are working again! Margaret will now be taking little Moses to Blantyre for his HIV test on Monday. We should have the results by May 2nd at the latest. I say this, even though I know this is no guarantee.

Margaret says Moses has a bit of a cough. She took him to the hospital to get some medicine and he seems to be responding to it well. His birth mother is sick with malaria (or a fever of sorts) so Margaret has had little contact with her recently.

Moses and I had a great little chat yesterday morning on the phone. He was sleeping but woke up to say hello. He has a funny sounding cry! I thought he was coughing at first, but Margaret says that's just his voice. Plus, I'm hearing him through static and a 10,000 mile distance. I probably sounded funny to him! Margaret says she's talking to him in English, which is very sweet of her, though we want him to know Chichewa too. Technically, he comes from the Tumbuka tribe, so he should know Chitumbuka as well. I think we'll have to draw a line at Chichewa and English though.

Margaret says they're calling him "Moses Pattison." Dustin and I got quite a kick out of this! They say our last name like "Pot-sun." Moses Pattison.

We may have a picture of Moses as early as Monday. Margaret thinks she'll have access to a scanner. Oh technology, how I love thee. Some good friends of ours are adopting a baby boy from Ethiopia - where the adoption law is much more defined. She mentioned that they're not allowed to post any photos of the child online until the adoption is finalized. So, in keeping with this, we'll likely just e-mail his picture around once we have it.

Now the not so fun stuff. We called and talked to a Malawian social welfare officer yesterday about Moses and our intention to become his foster parents. We met with him in person in January and, fortunately, he remembered us. He told Dustin that it may not be so simple as the mother choosing the foster parents. He made it sound like the child would become a ward of the state, then the government would go down their list and choose the foster parents themselves (meaning, they could not choose us). We were devastated (for all of a minute or two) until we remembered our friend Nancy. Nancy is an American who runs a small project in Malawi. A father approached her, asking her to take care of his daughter because he didn't have much longer to live. She immediately became the child's foster mother and then adopted her several months later. So we know it's possible for the parent to choose the future caregiver. But this interaction is a reminder that nothing is simple in Malawi (at least when government is involved). Fortunately, Nancy has a good relationship with this particular social welfare officer, and she may be willing to be an advocate for us (with him).

Another new piece of info, is that Dustin and I will likely move forward and do a "home study" here in Portland. This involves paying a private adoption agency to study our background, inspect our home and our finances, interview us etc. and then create a court report where they advise whether or not we're fit to foster or adopt. The Malawi government requires us to do a home study there in Malawi, but that process may be quicker and smoother (I emphasize may) if we've already been approved here where the requirements are more stringent.

That's all for today. We'll continue to keep you posted.

Mavuto

2008-04-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

Mavuto, I say. Trouble. The phone lines aren't working in Malawi. Last year, there was a fire at the Celtel headquarters and the phone lines were down for weeks. Let's hope this isn't the case again. I seem to get a different error message each time I call. Sometimes it just rings. Sometimes there's a beeping as though the line is busy. Sometimes a British voice says the subscriber is not answering. And sometimes there's some form of muzak playing in the background. Suffice it to say, there's an issue with the phone network. And to that, I say mavuto.

I'm a bit anxious to know if and when Baby Moses is going for his test. We had to send Margaret some money for various baby expenses: transport, the HIV test, and infant formula. We Western Unioned it on Monday, which means she wouldn't have received the money until Tuesday, which means (if Margaret got the e-mail telling her to retrieve the money) that Wednesday would be the soonest Moses could be tested. (And remember that Wednesday morning there is Tuesday night here.) So as I write this, he may have already been tested or could be on the road to Blantyre to get his chubby little arm pricked.

The initial apprehension around Baby Moses has worn off. We are still incredibly excited and hopeful, but we've mellowed out a bit, knowing that there's little to do for the next few weeks. For us, that is.

Margaret is insanely busy–managing our youth centre and staff, teaching women to read and write, caring for Baby Moses, and running errands for us all over the country. We are so grateful to her and for her. Since welcoming Moses into her life, she has met with the chief, the police, and even the District Commissioner. She is making sure that all legal authorities know Moses' history so that we are in a better position to begin moving toward adoption (should this become possible).

I failed to mention that Dustin is taking his next trip to Malawi rather soon (and without me). He leaves on May 27th and returns on June 19th. We're hoping, if Moses is healthy, that Dustin can begin the paperwork for us to become his foster parents. This process will involve the Malawi government's social welfare department and the courts. So, it's likely that Dustin will extend his stay for several weeks or months. I'm having a hard time being content with not going on this next trip. Especially considering that our potential future son is there.

Some of you have asked if we must stay in Malawi for the entire fostering process. The answer is no. We would have to receive special clearance, but we've been told that we could bring a foster child to the States with us, as long as we return to finalize the adoption. I'm sure there's plenty of red tape to cut through (it's Malawi!), but we're in a better position to deal with it all than most would be. We have many years of experience learning the games that government officials like to play.

Something I may not have yet mentioned, is that foreigners are not allowed to adopt in Malawi. The government requires adoptive parents to be Malawi residents. Our nonprofit (and the house we rent there year-round) allows us to qualify (or so we're told). Officials with the State of Oregon recommended we get everything in writing from the Malawi government however, so we don't get part way through the process to find that we were mislead or misinformed. Only six American families have adopted children from Malawi in the past six years. We would be the first ones in Oregon. So there will be plenty of question marks along the way.

I wish I had more to report on Baby Moses, but I haven't been able to touch base with Margaret due to the phone issue. We are also waiting for a picture of him. It will likely take another three weeks for the photos to arrive in the mail. (Anyone want to donate a digital camera to the nonprofit for the future?)

Thanks for all of your prayers and support. They are deeply felt and appreciated!

Testing, Testing

2008-03-31T10:02:00.001-07:00

Moses is going for testing. He has about a 25% chance of being HIV+. While that number seems huge, it's more likely that he's not positive. Let's think of it in different terms: there's a 75% chance that he's free of HIV.

Most HIV tests in Malawi measure antibodies. From what I've read, any child born to an HIV+ mother will have HIV antibodies (which stick around until the child is 18 months old or so). There's a special, more expensive test that looks for the HIV virus itself. It is the DNA PCR test. From what we understand, this test is definitive as long as the child has not been breastfeeding for a few weeks. Moses was only breastfed for his first two months of life.

There's only one known place in Malawi who has this test (and I spent many late hours calling around the country to learn this information). Johns Hopkins has a research project in the commercial center of Blantyre. This is a two-hour bus ride from our town. I talked to an American working there who said she would help us get Moses a DNA PCR test. Margaret will be taking him either tomorrow or Wednesday. I believe they ship the samples off to the US or UK because it will take 2-4 weeks to receive the results.

As excited as we are, we need to learn the baby's status before we can move ahead. Dustin and I aren't in a place (emotionally or financially) where we could adopt a child with HIV. But either way, Baby Moses has come into our lives and we will make sure he's cared for. Of course, we pray, for his sake, that he is healthy. Most HIV positive babies don't live past the age of two.

She Named Him Moses

2008-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

"So the woman took the baby and nursed him. When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh's daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying "I drew him out of the water."

.....................................................................

On Monday, Margaret, our Malawian friend and non-profit partner, called to say, "There's a baby at the house." The house is "our" house - the one Dustin and I inhabit several months out of the year. We live there with Margaret (whose own house collapsed during a bad storm last year) and a high school boy whom she sponsors. Our living room is a classroom for women to learn reading, writing, and math. Our dining room is a library, full of knowledge. Our yard is the youth center and training garden.

"There's a baby at the house," she says. Oh? What do you mean? Margaret goes on to say that a five-month-old baby is living with her. The mother had left him at home (which incidentally is the home Margaret used to rent, while in transition last year) while going to work. The baby was first found by Margaret's friend. She called her over to see the baby. He was lying in his own spit-up and feces when Margaret found him.

She took him home and cleaned him up before going to the chief. The chief asked Margaret to care for the child until the mother could be located. Ten days later, the mother came. "You can just keep him," she said. "I don't have time to look after him." Margaret agreed to care for the child. She has been doing so now for nearly 3 weeks.

"Margaret, you know how much we'd like to adopt a Malawian baby," I say through the static of long distance. She knew. She remembered me going to Blantyre to talk to the social welfare department in January, to learn the details of how we could adopt. She remembered us filing an application to become foster parents.

"I know. That's why I'm caring for the child. Because I love you."

The child is Khumbolane (pronounced Koom-bo-lawn-ay), or Khumbo for short. This is what we know of him:

-He was born on October 17, 2007
-He's very "clever" AKA smart (as relayed by the totally unbiased Margaret)
-He has lighter skin and eyes "like a Korean's"
-He was born to Johanna who is about 18 years old
-Johanna's mother (Khumbo's grandmother) has passed away
-The grandfather is not interested in caring for the child
-There is no father involved in his life
-He had jaundice when he was born (yellow eyes) but it cleared up
-He's currently 14 pounds (down from 15 a few weeks prior)

The same day we learned of Khumbo, Dustin and I went out to Stumptown to discuss the whole, crazy idea of us trying to adopt him. It was then that I created the "Journal of Khumbo" from which I'm selecting choice details to share on this very public blog. While there, we began discussing the possibility of giving him a new first name, should he become part of our family. You see, we had looked up "Khumbo" and found a pretty dire, sad meaning. It turns out that the definition was not correct. Margaret now says it means, "what we wanted." But we didn't know that then. All we knew was that Khumbo should probably have an additional name. I said, "How about Moses?" Dustin thought it was great. The next day I asked Margaret what they were calling the baby. "Well, a few people are calling him Sam. But most of us are calling him Moses. You know, like from the Bible?" A chill crept up my spine.

This is the beginning of our story with Moses. Though it is not the beginning of his story. I look forward to sharing with you what we can. From you, I would ask for your respect of Moses' family and the care they gave him in the first five months of his life. Johanna is a strong woman to admit that she cannot go it alone. From her comments to Margaret, we know she loves her son deeply but recognizes that he needs a safer and healthier environment than she can currently provide. She knows about us and has said that she is interested in having Moses stay with us in America.

Nothing is set in stone. But we can't pretend to not be attached to the idea. So we won't. It's like we're pregnant right now and are waiting to get past the first trimester. There's a strong possibility that we will experience deep grief. If/when we do, we'd like you to be by our sides.